My husband, my Sir, and myself will be attending a major BDSM event together in the very near future. It is a full 3 day event held at a campground and consists of approximately 300 kinksters, Dominants, submissives, slaves, Masters, swingers, and everything in between. This is the first BDSM event my husband will attend. It will also likely be the last. He does not appear to be looking forward to it. I think he is nervous about what he will see and what will happen. He is not looking forward to sleeping in a cabin with about 30 other people. He is not looking forward to the lack of privacy (communal bathrooms, showers, etc.). I truly hope he will be able to keep an open mind, let his inhibitions go, relax, and even enjoy himself.
The cabins all have single twin beds. Usually couples push two beds together in order to sleep together. The plan is to push three beds together, with me sleeping in between Hubby and Sir. I feel bad for them both as I tend to flail about quite a bit in my sleep LOL. One of these days, my flailing is going to wind up in my having to sleep bound in rope, I'm quite sure.
Anyway, the time is coming close and I need to have a serious talk with Hubby about all of this. Him and Sir talk quite a bit and I KNOW that they are already plotting and planning. And while Hubby appears to be ok with my relationship with Sir, he has not really witnessed any hardcore playing, or even much intimacy beyond a hug and kiss. He has witnessed some light play sessions that really weren't much more than us goofing around. I need to know what the boundaries are going to be, or should be. I need to know what he is ok with and what he is not. I need to know if he is going to be ok if Sir wakes up at 5 am and awakens me by fucking me as he so loves to do. I need to know if he is going to be ok with seeing Sir beat my ass until I'm near tears.
I so look forward to camp. I look forward to 3 full days of complete freedom. Freedom to walk around naked all day, freedom to fuck in public, freedom to be beat without any worry of judgment from others. However, I do not want to risk damaging my relationship with Hubby by him witnessing first hand more than he is emotionally prepared to see. Knowing about and talking about these things are completely different than seeing it with your own eyes. My fear? Is that he will not know what he will be ok with, and what will upset him until after the fact. And it could possibly be too late by then.
April 27, 2011
April 5, 2011
A Love/Hate Relationship
That is what I have with canes.
After breaking several canes into tiny little bits (more specifically, my Sir breaking said canes over my ass), and repeated whining about how much I hate canes, I was instructed to purchase a cane that I "could live with" and present it to Him.
I procrastinated. For like, several months LOL. I'm not fond of stingy type sensations. I much prefer something thuddy. Like slappers or floggers. But on the flip side, I tremble at the thought of being caned. The fear, the anticipation.... That is what I love. I HATE being caned. It hurts!! Like, ALOT! But yet, somewhere, in some small part of my brain, I anxiously look forward to being caned. I don't quite understand it, but I'm learning to accept it. Hence, the love/hate relationship.
Unbeknownst to me, just a few hours prior to our planned play date, my husband had caught me smoking. And called Sir asking him to punish me.
The evening started out quite fun. A bit of playful wrestling and struggle play, which is always fun. I presented the canes and next thing I knew, I was stripped and bent over a table. I was not secured, but was instructed to keep my elbows on the table. Each whack of the cane made me reflexively move into an upright position. Which in turn brought on another whack for not keeping my elbows on the table as I had been told to do. A few times, I mistakenly tried to protect my ass with my hands. My hand was struck with the cane simply because it was in the way. I was trembling, begging him to stop, telling him I'll be a good girl. Some little part of my brain was screaming "more" even while I was whimpering and begging for mercy.
I was then instructed to light a cigarette and smoke it. I refused which resulted in some more caning. I was near tears as I was telling him I only had one cigarette left, to just take it and that I didn't want it. The caning paused as I heard him rustling around in my purse. I was told to stand and look at him, and when I did, there he was with my last cigarette dangling from his lips. He handed me my lighter and told me to light it for him then get on my knees.
I did so without hesitation. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette. He pulled the lighter from my fingers and pocketed it. He said I wouldn't be needing it anymore. For five minutes, I kneeled on the cold hard floor, looking up at him as he smoked my last cigarette. Afterwards, he pulled me into bed with him and just held me. We laid there for a long time just enjoying the closeness of each other. It was a wonderful night.
Today, my ass and upper thighs are a multitude of shades of blues and deep purples. The soreness is beginning to fade and I'm already looking forward to the next play session. Although, I made sure to sneak the canes away when he wasn't paying attention and hide them in my car =)
After breaking several canes into tiny little bits (more specifically, my Sir breaking said canes over my ass), and repeated whining about how much I hate canes, I was instructed to purchase a cane that I "could live with" and present it to Him.
I procrastinated. For like, several months LOL. I'm not fond of stingy type sensations. I much prefer something thuddy. Like slappers or floggers. But on the flip side, I tremble at the thought of being caned. The fear, the anticipation.... That is what I love. I HATE being caned. It hurts!! Like, ALOT! But yet, somewhere, in some small part of my brain, I anxiously look forward to being caned. I don't quite understand it, but I'm learning to accept it. Hence, the love/hate relationship.
Unbeknownst to me, just a few hours prior to our planned play date, my husband had caught me smoking. And called Sir asking him to punish me.
The evening started out quite fun. A bit of playful wrestling and struggle play, which is always fun. I presented the canes and next thing I knew, I was stripped and bent over a table. I was not secured, but was instructed to keep my elbows on the table. Each whack of the cane made me reflexively move into an upright position. Which in turn brought on another whack for not keeping my elbows on the table as I had been told to do. A few times, I mistakenly tried to protect my ass with my hands. My hand was struck with the cane simply because it was in the way. I was trembling, begging him to stop, telling him I'll be a good girl. Some little part of my brain was screaming "more" even while I was whimpering and begging for mercy.
I was then instructed to light a cigarette and smoke it. I refused which resulted in some more caning. I was near tears as I was telling him I only had one cigarette left, to just take it and that I didn't want it. The caning paused as I heard him rustling around in my purse. I was told to stand and look at him, and when I did, there he was with my last cigarette dangling from his lips. He handed me my lighter and told me to light it for him then get on my knees.
I did so without hesitation. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette. He pulled the lighter from my fingers and pocketed it. He said I wouldn't be needing it anymore. For five minutes, I kneeled on the cold hard floor, looking up at him as he smoked my last cigarette. Afterwards, he pulled me into bed with him and just held me. We laid there for a long time just enjoying the closeness of each other. It was a wonderful night.
Today, my ass and upper thighs are a multitude of shades of blues and deep purples. The soreness is beginning to fade and I'm already looking forward to the next play session. Although, I made sure to sneak the canes away when he wasn't paying attention and hide them in my car =)
April 2, 2011
Nyotaimori
My kinky friends are often organizing fun events for us kinksters to attend and participate in together. The latest event was the Nyotaimori Sushi Night. I was invited to be a nude sushi model.
First off, I was extremely flattered. I'd have never thought in a million years anyone would want me for this sort of thing. Second, I was both excited and terrified at the prospect of it. I am very shy, and I have naked issues. After 9 years, I've grown comfortable with my husband seeing me naked. But even after a year, I'm still uncomfortable at times with Sir seeing me completely nude. I'm self conscious. Probably more so than the average woman. That is precisely why I agreed to be a model. I wanted to force myself to become more comfortable with my body. What better way than to allow people to eat off of me? I also knew that a fun opportunity like this would probably not present itself again, and dammit I was doing it despite having to get out of my comfort zone!
I bathed, shaved, waxed, primped, and pampered myself. Then I showered again just before heading out the door. There were 4 of us models, three female and one male. It was determined that I was going to be the "veggie girl" since my Sir is a vegetarian. And since I was the "veggie girl", it was determined that I would go first. I then took a cold shower to lower my body temperature. I came out wrapped in a towel to cover up, which was totally silly, I know. There were about 8 other people in the room, all friends, and I had to be the first to be naked among them. I had the hardest time dropping that towel.
But I did it and crawled up onto the table, belly down as I was instructed. I was rubbed down with vodka to sanitize my skin, then decorated with avocado, squash, and cucumber. The host was taking lots of pictures during the whole process. I was getting lots of comments about how great the design looked, and I quickly found out the drawback to being a model. You couldn't see anything! I was up on a table, on my belly, with my head turned to the side. My only view was of people's mid-sections as they walked past!
The other 3 models were quickly showered, sanitized, and decorated shortly after me. We were all decorated in a theme, with the guests getting to guess who we were supposed to be. I was paired with a lovely girl I hadn't met before, and I got to hold a wicked cool sword. We were laying head to head, with my sword resting on top of her hair. My veggies were decorated down my back in the design of a snake (according to the pictures it turned out really really cool!) The tail of the snake went down one butt cheek, and down my thigh all the way to my calf. I was Athena and she was Aphrodite. I had a little "bowl" of Wasabi sauce on my left butt cheek. I only know this because after about an hour into the event, I was feeling this tingly kind of burning sensation and had to ask what it was.
It was quite the experience having people eat off of me. I only knew about half of the people there, which definitely added to the experience. I think I was more shy with the people I knew! Everybody stopped to "ooh" and "aah" at the design on my back. It was really hard to hold perfectly still. The people that knew me talked to me and made jokes trying to get me to laugh which in turn made me jiggle LOL. Jiggling was not good for fear of the wasabi sauce spilling over my body! Sir teased and tormented me a bit, fed me some grapes while I lay there, and just generally made me feel good simply because he was there.
It was hard. I was very cramped and sore with various body parts that fell asleep after laying there for over 2 hours without being able to move a muscle. That said, it was a wonderful experience and one that I'm so grateful and touched that I was thought of to be invited to do this. Despite my insecurities, I'm glad I did it. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be, and all the compliments I received were a nice boost to the ego.
First off, I was extremely flattered. I'd have never thought in a million years anyone would want me for this sort of thing. Second, I was both excited and terrified at the prospect of it. I am very shy, and I have naked issues. After 9 years, I've grown comfortable with my husband seeing me naked. But even after a year, I'm still uncomfortable at times with Sir seeing me completely nude. I'm self conscious. Probably more so than the average woman. That is precisely why I agreed to be a model. I wanted to force myself to become more comfortable with my body. What better way than to allow people to eat off of me? I also knew that a fun opportunity like this would probably not present itself again, and dammit I was doing it despite having to get out of my comfort zone!
I bathed, shaved, waxed, primped, and pampered myself. Then I showered again just before heading out the door. There were 4 of us models, three female and one male. It was determined that I was going to be the "veggie girl" since my Sir is a vegetarian. And since I was the "veggie girl", it was determined that I would go first. I then took a cold shower to lower my body temperature. I came out wrapped in a towel to cover up, which was totally silly, I know. There were about 8 other people in the room, all friends, and I had to be the first to be naked among them. I had the hardest time dropping that towel.
But I did it and crawled up onto the table, belly down as I was instructed. I was rubbed down with vodka to sanitize my skin, then decorated with avocado, squash, and cucumber. The host was taking lots of pictures during the whole process. I was getting lots of comments about how great the design looked, and I quickly found out the drawback to being a model. You couldn't see anything! I was up on a table, on my belly, with my head turned to the side. My only view was of people's mid-sections as they walked past!
The other 3 models were quickly showered, sanitized, and decorated shortly after me. We were all decorated in a theme, with the guests getting to guess who we were supposed to be. I was paired with a lovely girl I hadn't met before, and I got to hold a wicked cool sword. We were laying head to head, with my sword resting on top of her hair. My veggies were decorated down my back in the design of a snake (according to the pictures it turned out really really cool!) The tail of the snake went down one butt cheek, and down my thigh all the way to my calf. I was Athena and she was Aphrodite. I had a little "bowl" of Wasabi sauce on my left butt cheek. I only know this because after about an hour into the event, I was feeling this tingly kind of burning sensation and had to ask what it was.
It was quite the experience having people eat off of me. I only knew about half of the people there, which definitely added to the experience. I think I was more shy with the people I knew! Everybody stopped to "ooh" and "aah" at the design on my back. It was really hard to hold perfectly still. The people that knew me talked to me and made jokes trying to get me to laugh which in turn made me jiggle LOL. Jiggling was not good for fear of the wasabi sauce spilling over my body! Sir teased and tormented me a bit, fed me some grapes while I lay there, and just generally made me feel good simply because he was there.
It was hard. I was very cramped and sore with various body parts that fell asleep after laying there for over 2 hours without being able to move a muscle. That said, it was a wonderful experience and one that I'm so grateful and touched that I was thought of to be invited to do this. Despite my insecurities, I'm glad I did it. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be, and all the compliments I received were a nice boost to the ego.
March 11, 2011
They are coming to take me away
This video seems strangely fitting after the day I've had.
They are coming to take me away HAHA!
They are coming to take me away HAHA!
March 8, 2011
Dry Spell
Warning: If you are of the male species and don’t care to hear about female “issues”. Stop here. Do not read this post.
I’m in the middle of a major dry spell. I have no desire. My libido is gone. My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost a month. I can’t remember the last time I was with Sir. I don’t even masturbate anymore. It’s these fucking birth control pills.
I don’t need to take them. My husband had a vasectomy years ago. I have an IUD in place. No worries about me becoming pregnant.
My periods are all out of whack. I’m sick of it. I menstruate anywhere from 2 to 3 weeks out of the month. All tests come back within normal limits. There is nothing clinically “wrong” with me. The IUD was a last ditch effort to solve the problem. Supposedly, a large percentage of women stop menstruating completely with the IUD. Not me. I didn’t have any improvement in the length of my cycles whatsoever.
The only thing that has controlled my periods effectively in the past was “the pill”. But, as I’ve learned over the years, there was a major drawback. I lost ALL sexual drive when on them.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. So I’m back on the pill. And now me, my husband, and my Sir are paying for it. I don’t know what the solution is here. I asked my gynecologist to just please take my uterus out. She just laughed. I was being serious.
Hardly anything arouses me these days. I want to be aroused. I still think about sex. I still want sex. It’s just that my body doesn’t respond. Except when I get emails like this from my Sir:
Now that makes me hot.
I’m in the middle of a major dry spell. I have no desire. My libido is gone. My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost a month. I can’t remember the last time I was with Sir. I don’t even masturbate anymore. It’s these fucking birth control pills.
I don’t need to take them. My husband had a vasectomy years ago. I have an IUD in place. No worries about me becoming pregnant.
My periods are all out of whack. I’m sick of it. I menstruate anywhere from 2 to 3 weeks out of the month. All tests come back within normal limits. There is nothing clinically “wrong” with me. The IUD was a last ditch effort to solve the problem. Supposedly, a large percentage of women stop menstruating completely with the IUD. Not me. I didn’t have any improvement in the length of my cycles whatsoever.
The only thing that has controlled my periods effectively in the past was “the pill”. But, as I’ve learned over the years, there was a major drawback. I lost ALL sexual drive when on them.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. So I’m back on the pill. And now me, my husband, and my Sir are paying for it. I don’t know what the solution is here. I asked my gynecologist to just please take my uterus out. She just laughed. I was being serious.
Hardly anything arouses me these days. I want to be aroused. I still think about sex. I still want sex. It’s just that my body doesn’t respond. Except when I get emails like this from my Sir:
I want to attach your hot little wrists and ankles to a bed, mount you
like a goddamn animal, wrap my hand around your neck and bite the side
of it while fucking your asshole as you scream and cum inside you in two
minutes. A quick and simple rape. I'm horny.
Now that makes me hot.
March 2, 2011
Entitlement
I take care of children and babies (and a few young adults) with varying degrees of health problems. Some of these children have disabilities that makes them dependant on others to provide the most basic of care. Someone to feed them, someone to bathe them, someone to turn and reposition them. Daycare centers won’t accept these kids into their programs because of the level of assistance they require. Therefore, these kids often rely on a home health aide to provide this care so the family can maintain their employment. I also care for children who have greater needs. Kids that are dependant on receiving their nutrition through a feeding tube. Kids that are dependant on the patency of a tube that is inserted into their neck to enable them to breath. Kids that are dependant on a ventilator to do the work of breathing for them. These children (and their parents) rely on the assistance of a nurse to assist them with their care needs.
There are various waiver programs and state assistance to help with the costs of caring for these children. It’s a wonderful, good thing. These kids are given the opportunity to stay in familiar environments, to remain at home with their families where they can grow and thrive. Otherwise, many of these children would end up in institutions. In addition to this, it costs FAR less to provide this care in the home versus in a long term care setting.
Now please forgive me for a moment. I LOVE what I do. I love helping families and I love helping my patients. But I need to rant for a moment.
I’ve had quite a few experiences now where these families have taken advantage of the system. It’s frustrating. There’s the Mom who I suspect of Munchausen’s by proxy. Who has first one child that gets nursing services, then all of a sudden, whose other child begins mysteriously having “health problems”. Somehow she manages to defraud the system to gain nursing for BOTH children so she can go tanning. Yes, tanning. She WAS supposed to be working, but she used her time more wisely. Not. She didn’t last long before she was caught committing fraud.
Then I have the mom who becomes angry when her very healthy daughter is denied continued nursing coverage. This child does have a feeding tube in place, but has NOT used the tube in quite some time (seriously, why don‘t they just remove it already?) I’m quite sure the mother is somehow deceiving the child’s physicians to believe that she still needs the feeding tube. She has had services for most of her life, but this child has overcome her feeding difficulties, and is completely independent for all of her activities of daily living…as much as any other preschooler. She can feed herself, she can use the bathroom independently, she can tie her shoes. Why the hell does she need a nurse?!? She wouldn’t even qualify for a home health aide!
This mother should be ashamed of herself. Yes, I know her child had a difficult start. Yes, I know that can be a difficult thing for a parent to deal with. there are tons of children that are FAR worse off. Children who are terminal. Children who will never get better. Children who will never *not* need the assistance of another person for their most basic care. If this mother gets her way, it will cost taxpayers approximately $9,000 per month. You read that right. $9,000 per month to provide approximately 200 hours of skilled nursing care. $9,000 per month, when these parents can spend $50 to $80 per week to put their child in daycare just like all the rest of us working parents.
I’m all for state assistance for children with chronic health problems. Those that manipulate the system and twist facts to get their way? When….. and note, I say when, not if….. When they get caught, they should have to pay back every penny plus interest.
There are various waiver programs and state assistance to help with the costs of caring for these children. It’s a wonderful, good thing. These kids are given the opportunity to stay in familiar environments, to remain at home with their families where they can grow and thrive. Otherwise, many of these children would end up in institutions. In addition to this, it costs FAR less to provide this care in the home versus in a long term care setting.
Now please forgive me for a moment. I LOVE what I do. I love helping families and I love helping my patients. But I need to rant for a moment.
I’ve had quite a few experiences now where these families have taken advantage of the system. It’s frustrating. There’s the Mom who I suspect of Munchausen’s by proxy. Who has first one child that gets nursing services, then all of a sudden, whose other child begins mysteriously having “health problems”. Somehow she manages to defraud the system to gain nursing for BOTH children so she can go tanning. Yes, tanning. She WAS supposed to be working, but she used her time more wisely. Not. She didn’t last long before she was caught committing fraud.
Then I have the mom who becomes angry when her very healthy daughter is denied continued nursing coverage. This child does have a feeding tube in place, but has NOT used the tube in quite some time (seriously, why don‘t they just remove it already?) I’m quite sure the mother is somehow deceiving the child’s physicians to believe that she still needs the feeding tube. She has had services for most of her life, but this child has overcome her feeding difficulties, and is completely independent for all of her activities of daily living…as much as any other preschooler. She can feed herself, she can use the bathroom independently, she can tie her shoes. Why the hell does she need a nurse?!? She wouldn’t even qualify for a home health aide!
This mother should be ashamed of herself. Yes, I know her child had a difficult start. Yes, I know that can be a difficult thing for a parent to deal with. there are tons of children that are FAR worse off. Children who are terminal. Children who will never get better. Children who will never *not* need the assistance of another person for their most basic care. If this mother gets her way, it will cost taxpayers approximately $9,000 per month. You read that right. $9,000 per month to provide approximately 200 hours of skilled nursing care. $9,000 per month, when these parents can spend $50 to $80 per week to put their child in daycare just like all the rest of us working parents.
I’m all for state assistance for children with chronic health problems. Those that manipulate the system and twist facts to get their way? When….. and note, I say when, not if….. When they get caught, they should have to pay back every penny plus interest.
February 25, 2011
The Club
The club is busy. There is much to see. People in various states of undress are all around. A tall thin man, wearing only a simple pair of blue jeans, is paraded around the club by an even taller brunette wearing 6 inch stiletto boots. His bare feet move quickly across the cold cement floor as she leads him by a 3 foot chain leash, attached to the leather studded collar that is fastened securely around his neck. A beautiful petite woman with an athletic shape is standing on the center of a thin mat. Her arms are crossed in front of her. She gazes at the man expectantly as he expertly winds the rope across and around her body. The bright flash of light catches my attention from the far corner. I watch as a tall heavy man runs a flame tipped wand between the center of a woman’s breasts.
Suddenly my collar bites into my neck as it is tugged sharply by my Sir, bringing my attention back to where it belongs. Him. My knees are beginning to ache from the hard floor. I feel the tingling sensation in my feet and toes from the lack of blood flow due to my awkward position. I stare up into his eyes, envying him for being able to sit on the warm soft sofa. His voice floats down to me, strong and demanding, instructing me to stand up. Grateful, I stand slowly, feeling the blood rush down my legs, causing a sudden surge of pins and needles to spread all the way up to my thighs. As I stretch, I’m again distracted by the scenery around me. Until I hear him speak again, a hint of amusement in his voice.
“Take off your panties”, he says in a firm voice. I’m wearing a black dress, goth style. The short skirt flares out over my hips, barely covering my ass. The top has an overlay that resembles a corset. It is tight. So tight I can’t fully take a breath and it pushes my breasts up and out. I stare at him stupidly as I concentrate on breathing. He repeats, “Take off your panties”, a warning tone in his voice telling me that if I delay any longer, I will regret it. I glance around self consciously and reach up under my dress, hooking my thumbs around the edge of my soft blue cotton panties. I look into his eyes as I bend at the waist, pulling my panties down my legs. I step out of them clumsily as they get caught on my high heeled boots. Embarrassed, I free them and stand quickly, palming the panties into a tight ball in my fist, trying to hide them from the prying eyes of those nearby.
“Put them into your mouth”. I stare at him in horror. He must be kidding. I couldn’t have heard him right. I watch as his eyebrows arch and I realize that he is waiting for me to obey. It will be worse if I anger him. A single tear slides lazily down my cheek. People will see. They will see me stuffing my mouth with my own panties. I feel humiliated and embarrassed. “Do it. Now”. I swallow hard as I feel another tear trickle down an identical path on the other cheek. I take a deep breath and quickly push the panties into my mouth. I lower my head so my hair hangs down over face, trying to hide. Another tug on the leash. This one more gentle, pulling me as I bend at the waist until I am face to face with Sir. I’m feeling even more humiliated, the edges of my panties hanging out of my mouth, my ass bared for all to see as I stand there bent over. He kisses the tip of my nose and then pulls me down over his lap. I close my eyes as I settle in, face down.
I feel his warm calloused hand touch the back of my knee, his fingers squeezing slightly as he slowly glides his hand up the back of my thigh. I feel a sudden draft as the short skirt is flipped up, exposing my bare ass. My head is lifted as his fingers wind their way through my hair and pull. My eyes catch those of a stranger standing a short distance away just as his hand sharply smacks my ass. I feel a wet warmth between my legs. I’m embarrassed. I’m turned on by the humiliation. This embarrasses me farther.
He continues to spank me, his hand falling into the same rhythm of the bass coming from the stereo. I begin to arch my back, lifting my ass up to meet the palm of his hand. I’m no longer embarrassed. I’m no longer aware of the others in the club. The only thing I’m aware of, is the sweet ecstasy, the sweet pleasure only He can give me.
Suddenly my collar bites into my neck as it is tugged sharply by my Sir, bringing my attention back to where it belongs. Him. My knees are beginning to ache from the hard floor. I feel the tingling sensation in my feet and toes from the lack of blood flow due to my awkward position. I stare up into his eyes, envying him for being able to sit on the warm soft sofa. His voice floats down to me, strong and demanding, instructing me to stand up. Grateful, I stand slowly, feeling the blood rush down my legs, causing a sudden surge of pins and needles to spread all the way up to my thighs. As I stretch, I’m again distracted by the scenery around me. Until I hear him speak again, a hint of amusement in his voice.
“Take off your panties”, he says in a firm voice. I’m wearing a black dress, goth style. The short skirt flares out over my hips, barely covering my ass. The top has an overlay that resembles a corset. It is tight. So tight I can’t fully take a breath and it pushes my breasts up and out. I stare at him stupidly as I concentrate on breathing. He repeats, “Take off your panties”, a warning tone in his voice telling me that if I delay any longer, I will regret it. I glance around self consciously and reach up under my dress, hooking my thumbs around the edge of my soft blue cotton panties. I look into his eyes as I bend at the waist, pulling my panties down my legs. I step out of them clumsily as they get caught on my high heeled boots. Embarrassed, I free them and stand quickly, palming the panties into a tight ball in my fist, trying to hide them from the prying eyes of those nearby.
“Put them into your mouth”. I stare at him in horror. He must be kidding. I couldn’t have heard him right. I watch as his eyebrows arch and I realize that he is waiting for me to obey. It will be worse if I anger him. A single tear slides lazily down my cheek. People will see. They will see me stuffing my mouth with my own panties. I feel humiliated and embarrassed. “Do it. Now”. I swallow hard as I feel another tear trickle down an identical path on the other cheek. I take a deep breath and quickly push the panties into my mouth. I lower my head so my hair hangs down over face, trying to hide. Another tug on the leash. This one more gentle, pulling me as I bend at the waist until I am face to face with Sir. I’m feeling even more humiliated, the edges of my panties hanging out of my mouth, my ass bared for all to see as I stand there bent over. He kisses the tip of my nose and then pulls me down over his lap. I close my eyes as I settle in, face down.
I feel his warm calloused hand touch the back of my knee, his fingers squeezing slightly as he slowly glides his hand up the back of my thigh. I feel a sudden draft as the short skirt is flipped up, exposing my bare ass. My head is lifted as his fingers wind their way through my hair and pull. My eyes catch those of a stranger standing a short distance away just as his hand sharply smacks my ass. I feel a wet warmth between my legs. I’m embarrassed. I’m turned on by the humiliation. This embarrasses me farther.
He continues to spank me, his hand falling into the same rhythm of the bass coming from the stereo. I begin to arch my back, lifting my ass up to meet the palm of his hand. I’m no longer embarrassed. I’m no longer aware of the others in the club. The only thing I’m aware of, is the sweet ecstasy, the sweet pleasure only He can give me.
February 21, 2011
Domme for the Night.
My husband and I went out to a local gay club with his family for Halloween. Just for fun I dressed up as a Domme, complete with my Sir’s flogger. Hubby wore a collar and leash. I STILL can’t believe he agreed to this. It was quite fun. Everyone in his family got a huge kick out of our outfits. Especially his sister, and his brother’s boyfriend, who are in the know about me. LOTS of innuendo’s and jokes were made about me/us. But nothing too obvious as there were another 2 brothers who are NOT in the know.
I paraded my husband around the club, pulling him along by his leash. I was almost having too much fun with this! The best was when I led him to the women’s bathroom and made him wait outside while I went inside. It didn’t take long at all for some random gay guy to tug on my husband’s leash and ask him if he wanted to go for a walk LOL. We posed for pictures. Lots of pictures. We all had a great time.
I work with my nephew. And I'm technically his boss. Sometimes I forget about the family connection when we are at work so it took me by surprise when he made a reference to Halloween. And before leaving the office, he made the comment "be sure not to keep him on too short a leash" when talking about my husband. I turned about 10 shades of red and started to ask.....then realized about 4 of my coworkers were staring at me with quite a bit of interest. I decided it would be better to say nothing more.
I paraded my husband around the club, pulling him along by his leash. I was almost having too much fun with this! The best was when I led him to the women’s bathroom and made him wait outside while I went inside. It didn’t take long at all for some random gay guy to tug on my husband’s leash and ask him if he wanted to go for a walk LOL. We posed for pictures. Lots of pictures. We all had a great time.
I work with my nephew. And I'm technically his boss. Sometimes I forget about the family connection when we are at work so it took me by surprise when he made a reference to Halloween. And before leaving the office, he made the comment "be sure not to keep him on too short a leash" when talking about my husband. I turned about 10 shades of red and started to ask.....then realized about 4 of my coworkers were staring at me with quite a bit of interest. I decided it would be better to say nothing more.
February 16, 2011
My bisexuality
I've always been bisexual. Ever since I discovered sex/masturbation, I have been sexually attracted to women. In fact, when I first started masturbating, I relied only on images, thoughts, and videos of women to light my fire. That remains the same to this day. I would say about 90% of my masturbatory fantasies pertain to women.
This is an excerpt of a journal entry written by a friend. I will say, reading this has affected me in quite the positive way. You see, I discovered masturbation somewhere between the ages of 10 to 12. and exactly like my friend, I masturbated to images I created in my head. Images of women. Women exposing themselves or being exposed. Voyeur and exhibition fantasies. Always involving women. It was the bare breasts, the round hips, the curve of the ass that attracted me. The female form is a beautiful thing.
I was confused by this. I was ashamed by it. I didn’t understand it. I was attracted to boys. I wanted a boyfriend. I did not feel an attraction to girls I knew. It was only in these early morning or late night images I created in my head. I tried to masturbate to fantasies of men. It didn’t work. I couldn't cum. At least not until I pictured that man doing something delicious to a beautiful woman. Not until I pictured that man's lips tugging on a perfect nipple. Then BAM! The orgasm would explode throughout my body.
I questioned myself. I wondered if I was a lesbian. I wondered what the heck was the matter with me. But mostly, I refused to allow myself to think about it. I allowed the images, I just refused to analyze what it could mean. I was ashamed.
I realized as I read my friends journal entry, that even though I'm part of a group of friends that are open and accepting, I was still ashamed. I realized that I hadn’t admitted to anybody what I fantasize about when I masturbate. I hadn’t admitted to anybody that when I watch porn, it is really the women I'm watching and not the men. I realized that I was still embarrassed by this. I also realized that I'm no longer confused.
I know that I like men. I know that I prefer men. I know that I'm in love with a very wonderful man. But I also know that I'm attracted to women and that there is nothing wrong with that. There is no reason to be ashamed by it. There is no reason to hide my fantasies anymore. There is no reason to pretend to be anything other than I am.
February 14, 2011
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