February 21, 2012

Nyotaimori # 2

This photo was taken of me during the first nyotaimori sushi dinner that was held last year.

 The sushi was decorated into a stunning snake along my back.

I was invited back to be a model again this year. This year the theme was holidays and I was paired with the event organizer's husband to be Mrs and Mr Clause. We had a blast, and I was even able to talk my husband into attending. I was poked with chopsticks, tickled and otherwise tortured as the attendees filled their plates with sushi. And I say "tortured" with the biggest smile on my face of course!

 I have to admit, I had none of my former shyness with being nude in front of others. I must say, I'm starting to become quite the exhibitionist. Though I'm not as thin as I used to be, being nude in front of others has done wonders for my self esteem and has decreased my negative criticisms of myself. I'm more comfortable in my own skin. I'm not quite sure why that is and I've not really taken time to analyze it. But then, I don't really care to either. I'm comfortable and having fun. That's all that really matters to me.

Stayed tuned for naked snow angels!

February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day

This is going to be my husband's Valentine's Day present. I am SO excited and can't wait until he gets it! He spent quite a bit of time researching exactly what he wanted and has had this in his wish list for quite some time. Because it is custom made to order, it will be 6-8 weeks until he receives it. So the bad news is that he will not actually have it in time for Valentines Day, but he should have it in time for camp which I'm super excited about!

February 3, 2012


My former Sir has met someone. I'm happy for him. He's a good guy. We had a our differences, which over time caused me to become more and more annoyed, but he is well meaning. I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. I'm married. I love my husband. I'm happy. I have a good life.

So why do I feel jealous? I have no right to. I do NOT want him back in my life. At least not in a romantic way or in a D/s context. Why do I feel jealous? Why do I feel nervous about meeting her? How can I expect others to understand me when I don't even understand me?

January 24, 2012


My life has been a bit on the stale side. I haven't updated much here simply because there hasn't been much to update on. I had the photo shoot that I recently posted on. Honestly that has been the only exciting thing to happen to me in a while. I'm working. A lot. When I'm not working, I'm trying to recuperate from work, which consists of sleeping or vegging in the couch. Really not exciting. I need to find a way to make some "me" time. Time to start exercising again, and time doing the lifestyle activities that I enjoy. I haven't even attended any munches in several months. I miss my lifestyle friends.

There are a few things coming in the near future though. Another Nyotaimori event is coming up soon and I agreed to be a nude sushi model again. That will be fun. And camp is coming up in a few months and my husband surprised me by readily agreeing to go with me again. Only this time, it will just be the two of us. But that's okay with me. I'm looking forward to more exploration with my husband. Anyway, until then, I may be a bit quiet, but I assure you, I'm still here and you will be updating as I have time. 

January 13, 2012

Kinky Laser Tag

One of the groups I belong to is holding what I believe will be an awesome event. It's going to be laser tag and a play party all rolled into one. The laser tag groups will be devided into two groups: subs versus Doms. Clothing optional. The bets are already starting. Sadly I have to work that night, so I won't be able to partake in the activities. 
I was however, able to take part in the photo shoot as one of the models for the advertisement of this event. This was my first time modeling and I was nervous as hell. My husband accompanied me so he could observe. He was a great support for me. I shed all of my clothes and donned the laser tag vest with the gun, and put on my high heels. With some encouragement and coaxing from the photographer I posed in various positions. I stuck my ass out when I was told to. I got on my knees with bound feet while I was held at "gunpoint" by another sub. I had my hair pulled. I had my hair pulled while my face was pushed into a Domme's crotch. The photos turned out beyond sexy and awesome! And we all had a great time at the photo shoot. Too bad I can't go to the event.

November 1, 2011

October 24, 2011


Yes, I find this appealing. This video is funny, but the concept appealing.

October 16, 2011

Bad Influence

I was the bad influence. I was only a teenager. Due to life circumstances, I was forced to grow up at a young age. By the time I was old enough to drive, I was working full time to support myself. I lived with my older boyfriend. I was deemed the "bad influence" by an aunt and uncle, who didn't want me to influence their daughter, simply because I was living with an older boyfriend, out of wedlock. (My parents had granted my boyfriend legal guardianship) I was a good student, I was a good person, I was kind to others, I had morals. I digress....

Unbeknownst to them, their daughter was sneaking out at night and having unprotected sex with boys. She talked to me. I tried my best to steer her in the right direction. It was to no avail. I kept my mouth shut, because I knew that telling her parents would not do any good. They were so strict and allowed her no freedom as it was, and this was her way of rebelling.

Today, many many years later. I am now the "good one", and she "the trouble child". She continues to sleep around (without her husband's consent), she smokes, she does drugs (she's addicted to cocaine), and she neglects her daughter in her usual drunken and drugged stupor.

Oh, and did I mention that the aunt and uncle are both alcoholics, recovering crack addicts, aldulterists, and the uncle had a history of physically abusing the wife and kids?

And I was the bad influence???

October 8, 2011


My favorite character from the Black Dagger Brotherhood series.
I highly recommend these books to those who love BDSM, romance, action, and vampires.

                                                           *drools a little*

October 3, 2011

Rape Fantasy

Like many women, whether or not they admit it, I have rape fantasies. Due to his impotency problems, my former Sir was unable to indulge me in this. I had the offer and opportunity at the last camp event I attended, but was unable to indulge due to my husband's lack of comfort with trusting strangers (strangers to him, not me) with my safety. I completely understand where he is coming from and would probably feel the same way if the situation were reversed.

At camp, there was a "professional" crew who specialized in kidnapping. The kidnappee dictated the scenario, including limits and what they hoped to gain from the experience. The scene could be strictly scripted, or impromptu, left to the kidnappers discretion. All depending on what the kidnappee wanted. Many people were also present to observe and assist as needed. I stress, ALL limits are respected and safe words are in play at all times. Keep in mind, this is something that is consented by the "victim" in advance. There are official sign ups for the kidnappings that occur at camp.

I observed a few of these kidnappings, mostly with envy. These scenes were emotionally intense. There were always at least 4 kidnappers actively involved, one or two that didn't participate, they just helped make sure things ran smoothly. All of the "victims" were blindfolded, and mind fucks were common.

One thing I realized after observing, was that I could have my "rape" experience without actually having intercourse with another man. I could easily be led to believe otherwise if a realistic dildo were used, or dildos of varying sizes if a gang-bang type of rape were being simulated. It's something I'm thinking about for next year, provided my husband would be ok with it. It's an experience I long for. I know he can't comprehend it, but I hope that he will allow me to have the experience.