Jealousy?

My former Sir has met someone. I'm happy for him. He's a good guy. We had a our differences, which over time caused me to become more and more annoyed, but he is well meaning. I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. I'm married. I love my husband. I'm happy. I have a good life.

So why do I feel jealous? I have no right to. I do NOT want him back in my life. At least not in a romantic way or in a D/s context. Why do I feel jealous? Why do I feel nervous about meeting her? How can I expect others to understand me when I don't even understand me?

Longings

I spoke today, via instant messenger, to the man that was my first (and only) Master. It's been 2 years since our relationship ended. Much to my surprise, all those old feelings came rushing back. I loved him with my whole heart. It wasn't supposed to happen, I didn't want it to happen. But no matter how wrong it all was, we were just right for each other.

I long for that relationship. I long to worship Him freely. I long to show him how much I love Him. I long to please Him in any way that He wishes. He was the only man I ever obeyed without question or complaint, no matter the request.

I ache inside for what I can't have. That makes it all the worse, because I love my husband, and couldn't imagine a life without him. I will not reply to any more emails He sends. It's for the best, all around. He is off limits.