October 29, 2010

Home Alone

This has been one crazy hectic week. My job is consuming me to the point that I can't seem to get anything done at home. Luckily my husband and I are on the same work schedule so we've at least managed to sneak in some good quality time together, even if it's for only short periods at a time. Getting in that time with my Sir is proving to be a challenge. We've managed to coordinate our schedules to allow us to at least eat dinner together approximately once a week. Twice if we're lucky. There is barely enough time for a daily phone call.

That's part of the reason I was looking forward to tonight. We had made plans to rent a movie, order a pizza, and just curl up on the sofa together. I know that doesn't sound very exciting. But we have not had any alone time together in a long time. We both miss it. Tremendously. And I'm quite sure that it would have led to some fun playtime as well.

It seems as though we are beginning to have some difficulties communicating effectively. I waited for him to call me. He was waiting for me to call him. By 8pm, I left my house to go rent a movie and called and left him a message while I was on the way. He returned my call just as I was about to pay for the movie. Turns out, he figured I wasn't going to call so he went ahead and got something to eat and was on his way home to go to bed!

I didn't stay on the phone for more than a minute after that. I was just too upset to talk. I had been looking forward to tonight all week. As I drove home, I was sad, and all I could think about was how badly I was craving some playtime. I long to feel the sharp sting of the cane, the dull heavy thud of the flogger, and the hard impact of the slapper. I was looking forward to that sore reminder the next day of a wonderful play session. ~sigh~

I'm hoping Sir and I can get in some quality time soon. I'm beginning to worry about what will happen if we can't find enough time for each other. I'm worried we will soon start to drift apart. I know it will happen one day. But I'm just not ready for it now.

October 20, 2010

Pet Peeve #1

I'm a pretty easygoing person. Not a lot bugs me. At least as long as my obsessive compulsiveness doesn't kick in. But lets talk about public restrooms for a minute. It's not like anybody particularly enjoys using public restrooms. But some people are just so freaked out about it they won't even use them. Ever. I'm not one of those people. I have no problem using one as long as it is clean and doesn't smell horrible. I could talk about several things that bother me about public restrooms, such as lazy people that don't bother to flush, or people that pee all over the seat because they insist on trying to "hover" without at least cleaning it off. But no, I'm going to talk about another pet peeve of mine. Super Duper powerful flushing machines. These are no ordinary toilets. These commodes with the ultra heavy duty flushing mechanism would be powerful enough to effectively make whatever is unlucky enough to fall into its porcelain depths disappear. Kids, go ahead and shove those barbie dolls and whatever toys you want down there!! These toilets will CONSUME them!!

You would think that toilets with a powerful effective flush would be a good thing. But what drives me absolutely nuts, is the fact that the flush is so strong, it totally sprays the seat with every single flush. So what would have been an otherwise clean bathroom, now grosses me out. I mean, who wants to sit on a seat and get a wet behind, especially from dirty toilet water. YUCK!!! Manufacturers and business owners LISTEN UP! More powerful does NOT equal better. I'm tired of inadvertently sitting on WET toilet seats!!!

OK, rant over =)

October 18, 2010

Blissfully sore

Sunday was awful. Beyond awful. That's what I get for being depressed and moody over my bad day at work on Friday. I'm not sure how much more of this teenage rebellion I can take. Anyway, that's a discussion for another day. Today, I don't want to even think about that. I'd much rather bask in the memory of Sunday night.

So I arrive home in the evening, majorly stressed and literally shaking because I was so upset. My husband had a drink in hand awaiting my arrival (and it was a double bless him). I rant and rave for a few minutes while downing my drink, then call my Sir to update him about what was going on. In the meantime I finished my drink and just as quickly, hubby was preparing a second one for me. Now mind you, I'm not much of a drinker, mostly just a casual social drinker, or the occasional need to wind down after a stressful day kind of drinker. So after that double, I was kind of already well on my way to being buzzed pretty good.

So my Sir mentions he hasn't eaten yet. So I'm all like, "Well come on over! I'LL cook you dinner!". And even promised not to burn it (I'm not much of a cook). He hesitated a bit, so I let him talk to hubby who assured him that he was perfectly fine with him coming over. I realize as I'm cutting veggies for the stir fry, that I'm pretty darned buzzed and briefly wondered if maybe this wasn't such a hot idea. Oh well, too late to back out now. Luckily I didn't burn anything, myself included, and everyone had a nice full belly after supper.

Now, I'm still pretty distressed about the events that took place earlier, but I did start to relax a bit. After a period of some nice conversation, I found myself engaged in a bit of struggle play with both Sir and hubby!! There was lots of laughter, tickling, and wrestling. I lost of course (that's only a technicality, I always feel like the winner), but I certainly did enjoy being "bad" and what was even more enjoyable was the hard spanking and caning that followed! EXACTLY what I needed! I not only got to enjoy some playtime (which is a rarity these days due to hectic family and work schedules) but I also got to enjoy some nice cuddle time with me on my knees at Sir's feet and my head resting on his lap. I soooo love this. I was so content and happy by the end of the night, and so relaxed I literally felt like a wet noodle.

Today I'm still reeling in the events of the weekend, but I'm also relishing the soreness, my reminder of our play session and  much needed time together. It's like Sir reads my mind sometimes, and knows exactly what I need. And many many thanks to my wonderful husband, who is being so understanding as he learns about the lifestyle, and who is accommodating and willing to explore this lifestyle with me. I feel so blessed to have these two wonderful men in my life.

October 16, 2010

Suprises, suprises!

After a horrible day at work, I met my Sir out for dinner. I was tired and cranky. Actually, that's an understatement. I was downright bitchy. I have no idea how Sir put up with me. But, as usual, he was doing his best to be sensitive to my feelings and needs, and, knowing how shitty my day was, he was trying to go out of his way to make plans to go where he thought I wanted to go. I'm such a bitch. Nothing was good enough. Everything irritated me. I broke down in tears at least 3 times that evening. I swear, I couldn't have been as patient as he was. Hell, I just wanted to beat my own ass for my poor behavior. But wait, that would have been a reward though. But it sure would have helped me to wind down though. Probably the very thing I needed to relieve some of that stress.

Anyway, I ended the evening early because I didn't want to subject him to any more of my crankiness and just wanted to go home and go to sleep. Shortly after I got home, my husband arrives. He hadn't been expecting me home so early and seemed a little surprised that I was there. Despite how tired I was, we had a wonderful conversation. We've been having a lot of those lately. It feels wonderful when we talk.

It turns out, he was a little disappointed when he arrived home and saw I was there alone. He actually said he was hoping that Sir was there, and that the three of us would have a little playtime together. I was stunned! It was even like he was reading my mind, because the whole evening I was out with Sir, all I kept thinking was "I just wish I could take you home with me to cuddle on the bed".

Polyamory is new to all three of us. The lifestyle (BDSM) is completely new to my husband. He has been so gracious and understanding of my needs , despite struggling at times with having to "share" me, that I am simply amazed by him. It's not everyday that a husband allows his wife to have a boyfriend LOL. Thus far, the three of us have had only two scenes together, and both were very limited and short. Sir takes things slowly when introducing my husband to the lifestyle, being very sensitive and doing his best to anticipate his feelings. But we are definitely making progress and I'm excited that my husband continues to want to be involved!

So hubby and I talked. I let him know how surprised I was by his disappointment. Then I made it very clear, that if he wishes for something like that to occur, he would have to make the plans for it himself. I made it clear that this is our home.I would never assume that he would be ok with seeing another man use me in our own home. I explained that I wouldn't want him to feel as though our personal space was violated, or have unwanted images in his head every time he crawled under the sheets of our bed. He agreed and I could tell he was touched as I reminded him that his feelings always come first. but I could also tell that he was excited about the idea of the three of us spending some together.

Soooo, I'm happily looking forward to another night, when my son is away for the weekend, that I may be surprised with getting a whole night with my two favorite men!

October 14, 2010

Me? Write a Blog?

I've never been much of a writer. Actually, I've always hated being made to write. You know, like when you had a class assignment, were given a topic, and told to write an essay or whatever it is that was wanted. I despised it. I always sat there, my mind completely blank, getting more and more frustrated by the minute.  And whatever finally came out was stupid. Completely and utterly stupid.

I'm hoping this is going to be different. I used to keep a diary as a kid. The words just flowed as the thoughts raced through my mind. It was like therapy in a way. I always felt better afterward. And I am a part of a few social networking sites. I know, unique right? Anyway, I'm told by friends that I am very eloquent with words. And I find that I can express myself better when communicating via email or writing a letter versus talking face to face. I'm not the greatest at forming the words when speaking that truly conveys what I mean or how I'm feeling. So hopefully this blog won't be a complete and utter failure. And by failure, I mean that I personally don't achieve a sense of satisfaction from it. I don't ever expect others to be interested enough to actually read it. At least, that's not my goal here.

Anyway, I'll be back another evening. I need to get some sleep.