April 27, 2011

His First Time

My husband, my Sir, and myself will be attending a major BDSM event together in the very near future. It is a full 3 day event held at a campground and consists of approximately 300 kinksters, Dominants, submissives, slaves, Masters, swingers, and everything in between. This is the first BDSM event my husband will attend. It will also likely be the last. He does not appear to be looking forward to it. I think he is nervous about what he will see and what will happen. He is not looking forward to sleeping in a cabin with about 30 other people. He is not looking forward to the lack of privacy (communal bathrooms, showers, etc.). I truly hope he will be able to keep an open mind, let his inhibitions go, relax, and even enjoy himself.

The cabins all have single twin beds. Usually couples push two beds together in order to sleep together. The plan is to push three beds together, with me sleeping in between Hubby and Sir. I feel bad for them both as I tend to flail about quite a bit in my sleep LOL. One of these days, my flailing is going to wind up in my having to sleep bound in rope, I'm quite sure.

Anyway, the time is coming close and I need to have a serious talk with Hubby about all of this. Him and Sir talk quite a bit and I KNOW that they are already plotting and planning. And while Hubby appears to be ok with my relationship with Sir, he has not really witnessed any hardcore playing, or even much intimacy beyond a hug and kiss. He has witnessed some light play sessions that really weren't much more than us goofing around. I need to know what the boundaries are going to be, or should be. I need to know what he is ok with and what he is not. I need to know if he is going to be ok if Sir wakes up at 5 am and awakens me by fucking me as he so loves to do. I need to know if he is going to be ok with seeing Sir beat my ass until I'm near tears.

I so look forward to camp. I look forward to 3 full days of complete freedom. Freedom to walk around naked all day, freedom to fuck in public, freedom to be beat without any worry of judgment from others. However, I do not want to risk damaging my relationship with Hubby by him witnessing first hand more than he is emotionally prepared to see. Knowing about and talking about these things are completely different than seeing it with your own eyes. My fear? Is that he will not know what he will be ok with, and what will upset him until after the fact. And it could possibly be too late by then.

April 5, 2011

A Love/Hate Relationship

That is what I have with canes.

After breaking several canes into tiny little bits (more specifically, my Sir breaking said canes over my ass), and repeated whining about how much I hate canes, I was instructed to purchase a cane that I "could live with" and present it to Him.

I procrastinated. For like, several months LOL. I'm not fond of stingy type sensations. I much prefer something thuddy. Like slappers or floggers. But on the flip side, I tremble at the thought of being caned. The fear, the anticipation.... That is what I love. I HATE being caned. It hurts!! Like, ALOT! But yet, somewhere, in some small part of my brain, I anxiously look forward to being caned. I don't quite understand it, but I'm learning to accept it. Hence, the love/hate relationship.

Unbeknownst to me, just a few hours prior to our planned play date, my husband had caught me smoking. And called Sir asking him to punish me.

The evening started out quite fun. A bit of playful wrestling and struggle play, which is always fun. I presented the canes and next thing I knew, I was stripped and bent over a table. I was not secured, but was instructed to keep my elbows on the table. Each whack of the cane made me reflexively move into an upright position. Which in turn brought on another whack for not keeping my elbows on the table as I had been told to do. A few times, I mistakenly tried to protect my ass with my hands. My hand was struck with the cane simply because it was in the way. I was trembling, begging him to stop, telling him I'll be a good girl. Some little part of my brain was screaming "more" even while I was whimpering and begging for mercy.

I was then instructed to light a cigarette and smoke it. I refused which resulted in some more caning. I was near tears as I was telling him I only had one cigarette left, to just take it and that I didn't want it. The caning paused as I heard him rustling around in my purse. I was told to stand and look at him, and when I did, there he was with my last cigarette dangling from his lips. He handed me my lighter and told me to light it for him then get on my knees.

I did so without hesitation. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette. He pulled the lighter from my fingers and pocketed it. He said I wouldn't be needing it anymore. For five minutes, I kneeled on the cold hard floor, looking up at him as he smoked my last cigarette. Afterwards, he pulled me into bed with him and just held me. We laid there for a long time just enjoying the closeness of each other. It was a wonderful night.

Today, my ass and upper thighs are a multitude of shades of blues and deep purples. The soreness is beginning to fade and I'm already looking forward to the next play session. Although, I made sure to sneak the canes away when he wasn't paying attention and hide them in my car  =)

April 2, 2011


My kinky friends are often organizing fun events for us kinksters to attend and participate in together. The latest event was the Nyotaimori Sushi Night. I was invited to be a nude sushi model.

First off, I was extremely flattered. I'd have never thought in a million years anyone would want me for this sort of thing. Second, I was both excited and terrified at the prospect of it. I am very shy, and I have naked issues. After 9 years, I've grown comfortable with my husband seeing me naked. But even after a year, I'm still uncomfortable at times with Sir seeing me completely nude. I'm self conscious. Probably more so than the average woman. That is precisely why I agreed to be a model. I wanted to force myself to become more comfortable with my body. What better way than to allow people to eat off of me? I also knew that a fun opportunity like this would probably not present itself again, and dammit I was doing it despite having to get out of my comfort zone!

I bathed, shaved, waxed, primped, and pampered myself. Then I showered again just before heading out the door. There were 4 of us models, three female and one male. It was determined that I was going to be the "veggie girl" since my Sir is a vegetarian. And since I was the "veggie girl", it was determined that I would go first. I then took a cold shower to lower my body temperature. I came out wrapped in a towel to cover up, which was totally silly, I know. There were about 8 other people in the room, all friends, and I had to be the first to be naked among them. I had the hardest time dropping that towel.

But I did it and crawled up onto the table, belly down as I was instructed. I was rubbed down with vodka to sanitize my skin, then decorated with avocado, squash, and cucumber. The host was taking lots of pictures during the whole process. I was getting lots of comments about how great the design looked, and I quickly found out the drawback to being a model. You couldn't see anything! I was up on a table, on my belly, with my head turned to the side. My only view was of people's mid-sections as they walked past!

The other 3 models were quickly showered, sanitized, and decorated shortly after me. We were all decorated in a theme, with the guests getting to guess who we were supposed to be. I was paired with a lovely girl I hadn't met before, and I got to hold a wicked cool sword. We were laying head to head, with my sword resting on top of her hair. My veggies were decorated down my back in the design of a snake (according to the pictures it turned out really really cool!) The tail of the snake went down one butt cheek, and down my thigh all the way to my calf.  I was Athena and she was Aphrodite. I had a little "bowl" of Wasabi sauce on my left butt cheek. I only know this because after about an hour into the event, I was feeling this tingly kind of burning sensation and had to ask what it was.

It was quite the experience having people eat off of me. I only knew about half of the people there, which definitely added to the experience. I think I was more shy with the people I knew! Everybody stopped to "ooh" and "aah" at the design on my back. It was really hard to hold perfectly still. The people that knew me talked to me and made jokes trying to get me to laugh which in turn made me jiggle LOL. Jiggling was not good for fear of the wasabi sauce spilling over my body! Sir teased and tormented me a bit, fed me some grapes while I lay there, and just generally made me feel good simply because he was there.

It was hard. I was very cramped and sore with various body parts that fell asleep after laying there for over 2 hours without being able to move a muscle. That said, it was a wonderful experience and one that I'm so grateful and touched that I was thought of to be invited to do this. Despite my insecurities, I'm glad I did it. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be, and all the compliments I received were a nice boost to the ego.