November 14, 2010

Letting Go

What happens to a relationship when one or both of the person’s needs aren’t being met? The process of re-evaluating the relationship can be scary when there are strong feelings involved. When a relationship involves D/s, the feelings are bound (no pun intended) to be stronger than a lot of vanilla relationships. Not to discredit the love and strength of the feelings vanilla couples have for one another, but it’s just different. The level of trust and understanding is on a deeper level.

For the submissive, there might be a feeling of personal failure if the relationship doesn’t work. She (or he) might think about what she could have done differently, or how she could have tried harder. While this is true of any relationship, D/s takes it to a whole other level. The submissive will think about what her needs are, and wonder if she is wrong to feel the way she does when she desires more than she is getting. If she is giving all that her Dominant asks of her, shouldn’t she be satisfied with that? She may feel as if she is being selfish and may begin to question herself and wonder if perhaps she isn’t submissive at all. Many times, there are several other factors to take into consideration. Such as the fact that there isn’t always time or opportunity between work, children, and other responsibilities to ensure that all those needs are met.

It is imperative to keep the lines of communication open. Being honest with the other person as well as being honest with yourself is of the utmost importance. This can be a difficult thing to do, especially when you don’t want to face the fact that the relationship might be nearing the end. It’s so easy to think “Things will change. Things will get better. It’s just a rough patch”. We formulate all these little excuses in our head because we don’t want to lose hope. We don’t want to face the truth when we know it’s just not working. Letting go is never easy. But the bottom line is that when it’s just not working, when neither person is getting their needs met and there is no solution, it’s for the best to part ways. Don’t let it get to the point when one or both of you begin to resent the other.

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