My favorite character from the Black Dagger Brotherhood series.
I highly recommend these books to those who love BDSM, romance, action, and vampires.
*drools a little*
October 8, 2011
October 3, 2011
Rape Fantasy
Like many women, whether or not they admit it, I have rape fantasies. Due to his impotency problems, my former Sir was unable to indulge me in this. I had the offer and opportunity at the last camp event I attended, but was unable to indulge due to my husband's lack of comfort with trusting strangers (strangers to him, not me) with my safety. I completely understand where he is coming from and would probably feel the same way if the situation were reversed.
At camp, there was a "professional" crew who specialized in kidnapping. The kidnappee dictated the scenario, including limits and what they hoped to gain from the experience. The scene could be strictly scripted, or impromptu, left to the kidnappers discretion. All depending on what the kidnappee wanted. Many people were also present to observe and assist as needed. I stress, ALL limits are respected and safe words are in play at all times. Keep in mind, this is something that is consented by the "victim" in advance. There are official sign ups for the kidnappings that occur at camp.
I observed a few of these kidnappings, mostly with envy. These scenes were emotionally intense. There were always at least 4 kidnappers actively involved, one or two that didn't participate, they just helped make sure things ran smoothly. All of the "victims" were blindfolded, and mind fucks were common.
One thing I realized after observing, was that I could have my "rape" experience without actually having intercourse with another man. I could easily be led to believe otherwise if a realistic dildo were used, or dildos of varying sizes if a gang-bang type of rape were being simulated. It's something I'm thinking about for next year, provided my husband would be ok with it. It's an experience I long for. I know he can't comprehend it, but I hope that he will allow me to have the experience.
At camp, there was a "professional" crew who specialized in kidnapping. The kidnappee dictated the scenario, including limits and what they hoped to gain from the experience. The scene could be strictly scripted, or impromptu, left to the kidnappers discretion. All depending on what the kidnappee wanted. Many people were also present to observe and assist as needed. I stress, ALL limits are respected and safe words are in play at all times. Keep in mind, this is something that is consented by the "victim" in advance. There are official sign ups for the kidnappings that occur at camp.
I observed a few of these kidnappings, mostly with envy. These scenes were emotionally intense. There were always at least 4 kidnappers actively involved, one or two that didn't participate, they just helped make sure things ran smoothly. All of the "victims" were blindfolded, and mind fucks were common.
One thing I realized after observing, was that I could have my "rape" experience without actually having intercourse with another man. I could easily be led to believe otherwise if a realistic dildo were used, or dildos of varying sizes if a gang-bang type of rape were being simulated. It's something I'm thinking about for next year, provided my husband would be ok with it. It's an experience I long for. I know he can't comprehend it, but I hope that he will allow me to have the experience.
September 26, 2011
Sex Aerobics
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This has crossed my mind as I think of fun activities I can do to help lose those few extra pounds. |
September 20, 2011
Spankings
My husband spanked me for the first time ever last night. I mean, really spanked me. Enough to make my bottom warm and pink. I LOVED it. He admitted he enjoyed himself as well. I'm hoping it leads to some more regular activities, and dare I hope for a progression to further activities such as floggings or belt whippings?
I had asked him a few weeks ago to spank me. He didnt at that time. He was insecure and unsure of himself. He worried he wouldn't "do it right". He has yet to use the flogger I bought for him at camp. He also fears using it. He is afraid he won't "do it right" or that he will hurt me. I reassure as much as is appropriate. I think our latest activity boosted his ego a bit. I'm glad.
I had asked him a few weeks ago to spank me. He didnt at that time. He was insecure and unsure of himself. He worried he wouldn't "do it right". He has yet to use the flogger I bought for him at camp. He also fears using it. He is afraid he won't "do it right" or that he will hurt me. I reassure as much as is appropriate. I think our latest activity boosted his ego a bit. I'm glad.
September 13, 2011
September 8, 2011
Longings
I spoke today, via instant messenger, to the man that was my first (and only) Master. It's been 2 years since our relationship ended. Much to my surprise, all those old feelings came rushing back. I loved him with my whole heart. It wasn't supposed to happen, I didn't want it to happen. But no matter how wrong it all was, we were just right for each other.
I long for that relationship. I long to worship Him freely. I long to show him how much I love Him. I long to please Him in any way that He wishes. He was the only man I ever obeyed without question or complaint, no matter the request.
I ache inside for what I can't have. That makes it all the worse, because I love my husband, and couldn't imagine a life without him. I will not reply to any more emails He sends. It's for the best, all around. He is off limits.
I long for that relationship. I long to worship Him freely. I long to show him how much I love Him. I long to please Him in any way that He wishes. He was the only man I ever obeyed without question or complaint, no matter the request.
I ache inside for what I can't have. That makes it all the worse, because I love my husband, and couldn't imagine a life without him. I will not reply to any more emails He sends. It's for the best, all around. He is off limits.
September 3, 2011
LICK MY BOOTS KEN!
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| This was the birthday card given to my husband by his brother. Do you think we are out of the closet? |
August 5, 2011
It may be time...
I'm getting antsy. It's been just about 2 months since my last play session, and the break-up of my Sir and I. I'm feeling that familiar craving creeping back. I'm longing for someone to just take control. To allow me to be myself, to allow me to follow his guidance, to allow me to submit.
My husband and I are currently talking about how this will work, how I will go about meeting someone new and the process of getting to know them. This is sticky territory. Not only do I have to be comfortable, but so does my husband. My safety and well being are of utmost importance to him. It will be a slow, long process until I find that one. I may be ready to just jump in head first, but I have to go at my husband's pace. I must be patient.
My husband and I are currently talking about how this will work, how I will go about meeting someone new and the process of getting to know them. This is sticky territory. Not only do I have to be comfortable, but so does my husband. My safety and well being are of utmost importance to him. It will be a slow, long process until I find that one. I may be ready to just jump in head first, but I have to go at my husband's pace. I must be patient.
July 24, 2011
Whips, Floggers, and Rope! Oh My!
Since the break-up of my Sir and I, my husband has been trying to step up his game I believe. At camp I bought him his very first flogger as a gift. It has yet to be used, but he was very happy to see what I brought him.
Sir (ex-Sir? I need to come up with a name.) gave him a single tail whip that he had in his play bag but didn't use. It was in poor shape but my husband has been working very hard to revive it. He spent hours oiling it, working it, and hours in the garage and at a local park cracking it. He is using one of my teddy bears strung up from a tree for the purpose of practicing his aim. I am quite sure he got some strange looks from others in the park LOL.
Hubby has also become much more assertive with me. Usually he lets me get my own way and gives in, but I'm liking this side of him. The sex has been wonderful as usual, but I am enjoying the aggressiveness he is beginning to show during sex. I'm wondering though if this is his attempt at trying to fill that void for me. We had talked about what might happen and the possibility of my finding another Dom when the relationship ended with Sir. He expressed that he was open to that idea, but I'm wondering now if he is hoping that won't happen. We also talked about the idea of possibly finding a female top. I don't know. Honestly, I'm just not ready to think about it. Maybe in a month or two, but not now.
I still miss Sir, but in a way I'm sort of relieved. He has gotten a few questions about what happened between us from mutual friends, but nobody has asked me about it. We had already worked together for a generic reply that we could tell people that asked about why our relationship ended. I'm a very private person and I hate drama and gossip. I'm sure people will gossip anyway, but once they see that we still attend munches together and are still very good friends, it will certainly minimize any fuel for any nosy or unkind questions/remarks.
Sir (ex-Sir? I need to come up with a name.) gave him a single tail whip that he had in his play bag but didn't use. It was in poor shape but my husband has been working very hard to revive it. He spent hours oiling it, working it, and hours in the garage and at a local park cracking it. He is using one of my teddy bears strung up from a tree for the purpose of practicing his aim. I am quite sure he got some strange looks from others in the park LOL.
Hubby has also become much more assertive with me. Usually he lets me get my own way and gives in, but I'm liking this side of him. The sex has been wonderful as usual, but I am enjoying the aggressiveness he is beginning to show during sex. I'm wondering though if this is his attempt at trying to fill that void for me. We had talked about what might happen and the possibility of my finding another Dom when the relationship ended with Sir. He expressed that he was open to that idea, but I'm wondering now if he is hoping that won't happen. We also talked about the idea of possibly finding a female top. I don't know. Honestly, I'm just not ready to think about it. Maybe in a month or two, but not now.
I still miss Sir, but in a way I'm sort of relieved. He has gotten a few questions about what happened between us from mutual friends, but nobody has asked me about it. We had already worked together for a generic reply that we could tell people that asked about why our relationship ended. I'm a very private person and I hate drama and gossip. I'm sure people will gossip anyway, but once they see that we still attend munches together and are still very good friends, it will certainly minimize any fuel for any nosy or unkind questions/remarks.
July 19, 2011
Something to make you smile.
My former Sir (still doesn't feel right saying that) sent me this in an email with the above title as the subject line. It was so cute I had to share!
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