I'm getting antsy. It's been just about 2 months since my last play session, and the break-up of my Sir and I. I'm feeling that familiar craving creeping back. I'm longing for someone to just take control. To allow me to be myself, to allow me to follow his guidance, to allow me to submit.
My husband and I are currently talking about how this will work, how I will go about meeting someone new and the process of getting to know them. This is sticky territory. Not only do I have to be comfortable, but so does my husband. My safety and well being are of utmost importance to him. It will be a slow, long process until I find that one. I may be ready to just jump in head first, but I have to go at my husband's pace. I must be patient.
August 5, 2011
July 24, 2011
Whips, Floggers, and Rope! Oh My!
Since the break-up of my Sir and I, my husband has been trying to step up his game I believe. At camp I bought him his very first flogger as a gift. It has yet to be used, but he was very happy to see what I brought him.
Sir (ex-Sir? I need to come up with a name.) gave him a single tail whip that he had in his play bag but didn't use. It was in poor shape but my husband has been working very hard to revive it. He spent hours oiling it, working it, and hours in the garage and at a local park cracking it. He is using one of my teddy bears strung up from a tree for the purpose of practicing his aim. I am quite sure he got some strange looks from others in the park LOL.
Hubby has also become much more assertive with me. Usually he lets me get my own way and gives in, but I'm liking this side of him. The sex has been wonderful as usual, but I am enjoying the aggressiveness he is beginning to show during sex. I'm wondering though if this is his attempt at trying to fill that void for me. We had talked about what might happen and the possibility of my finding another Dom when the relationship ended with Sir. He expressed that he was open to that idea, but I'm wondering now if he is hoping that won't happen. We also talked about the idea of possibly finding a female top. I don't know. Honestly, I'm just not ready to think about it. Maybe in a month or two, but not now.
I still miss Sir, but in a way I'm sort of relieved. He has gotten a few questions about what happened between us from mutual friends, but nobody has asked me about it. We had already worked together for a generic reply that we could tell people that asked about why our relationship ended. I'm a very private person and I hate drama and gossip. I'm sure people will gossip anyway, but once they see that we still attend munches together and are still very good friends, it will certainly minimize any fuel for any nosy or unkind questions/remarks.
Sir (ex-Sir? I need to come up with a name.) gave him a single tail whip that he had in his play bag but didn't use. It was in poor shape but my husband has been working very hard to revive it. He spent hours oiling it, working it, and hours in the garage and at a local park cracking it. He is using one of my teddy bears strung up from a tree for the purpose of practicing his aim. I am quite sure he got some strange looks from others in the park LOL.
Hubby has also become much more assertive with me. Usually he lets me get my own way and gives in, but I'm liking this side of him. The sex has been wonderful as usual, but I am enjoying the aggressiveness he is beginning to show during sex. I'm wondering though if this is his attempt at trying to fill that void for me. We had talked about what might happen and the possibility of my finding another Dom when the relationship ended with Sir. He expressed that he was open to that idea, but I'm wondering now if he is hoping that won't happen. We also talked about the idea of possibly finding a female top. I don't know. Honestly, I'm just not ready to think about it. Maybe in a month or two, but not now.
I still miss Sir, but in a way I'm sort of relieved. He has gotten a few questions about what happened between us from mutual friends, but nobody has asked me about it. We had already worked together for a generic reply that we could tell people that asked about why our relationship ended. I'm a very private person and I hate drama and gossip. I'm sure people will gossip anyway, but once they see that we still attend munches together and are still very good friends, it will certainly minimize any fuel for any nosy or unkind questions/remarks.
July 19, 2011
Something to make you smile.
My former Sir (still doesn't feel right saying that) sent me this in an email with the above title as the subject line. It was so cute I had to share!
July 17, 2011
July 11, 2011
Doubts
I miss Sir. He wasn't just a play partner. I cared about him deeply and I guess you could say I loved him. Even though he annoyed the heck out of me sometimes. I guess the point of this post is to put some of the issues out there. The things that I didn’t like about our time together. Although it’s going to appear to the contrary, I am in no way bashing him. Like I said, I care about him very much. I just need to put this down, in black and white, the reason why I ended the relationship. So I can look at it when I need a reminder. Something to get rid of those nagging little doubts in my head when I’m missing him, or missing our playtime.
In a previous post I talked about trust issues I had. I trusted him…..but a few wrong moves with a flogger broke that trust. I began to get guarded when we would play. I would “bitch and complain” as he would say, when he wanted to bind me with chain. He thought I hated to be bound. In reality I loved it. What I hated was the fact that I could no longer move, therefore I couldn’t protect delicate areas from stray flogger strikes. You see, he is a sadist. He rarely provided me with the luxury of a warm up. Just fast, super hard strikes. Once, while I was bent over a bench, one of those super hard strikes that should only be meant for a well cushioned ass, hit me right across the pussy. I cried. He didn’t seem to understand and tried to analyze how it could have happened. I wanted to scream, “How could it not happen!?! My legs are spread and I’m bent over!”.
This wasn’t the only time. He loves to use floggers with longer flails. While nice, the aim wasn’t very accurate. At least, not the way he used them. Many times, I’ve ended up with welts and marks that took weeks to fade. Not just on my back and ass, but also on the sides of my breasts and belly. Because the flails were so long, they would wrap around because he didn’t take that into account when he was striking me. And the belly should never be hit with the force with which he used. Really, it should never be hit at all. That is where all the vital organs are. I’ve also had a few stray strikes to the face with the flogger. Ones that were meant for the back, but again, long flails and poor aim are not a good combination.
Sir had this piece of wood. It was about 5 feet long, an inch wide, and about a half an inch thick. It was this long splintered fragment from an old skid that he picked up from work. All along its length, there were tiny splinters from the rough wood. Once, he cracked me with it quite unexpectedly. I became quite upset and told him not to ever use that on me again. That was just another time I was “bitching and complaining”. I explained to him that it wasn’t safe. It was dirty and I didn’t want to pick out a million splinters from my backside. I didn’t want the potential for infection. Again, he didn’t understand and just said, “you won’t get splinters”. After having been swatted with it a few more times, I finally had to call “red” and tell him that particular “toy” was a “hard limit”. I’m still disbelieving and a little angry that I actually had to tell him it was a hard limit, even after explaining why this “toy” was not safe in my eyes.
Sir had some problems with impotence. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. While that wasn’t a real problem for me, the fact that he liked to compensate with his fingers was. He has very rough, calloused fingers from his line of work. I am extremely sensitive in the nether regions. He also liked using a rough touch. I had problems becoming aroused when he touched my pussy. It was too rough. It hurt in a not good way. He would frequently insist on me squirting. Something I have never done in my life, and to the best of my knowledge, I’m not capable of. He would very roughly “massage” my g spot. On my end, it felt like somebody jabbing me very hard. All while he kept repeating, “Now squirt. Do it now”. It usually ended with me near tears and not wanting to play anymore. Even after explaining to him how it felt to me, and that it hurt me, and that I would not “squirt”, he downplayed my feelings by telling me “You just need to let go”. He heard me, but he didn’t listen to me.
He wanted me to hit subspace with him. I did maybe once or twice during scenes with him. He would try to repeat it but was always unsuccessful when he was trying. I’d explain what was done differently the 1 or 2 times I did make it to subspace: slow, steady, and rhythmic. Gradual increase in intensity. He ignored this as well. Like I said before, no warm up. Just “CRACK”. Very hard, random strikes out of the blue. I can’t achieve subspace like that. When I’m close, it brings me right out of it.
The last time we played together was at camp. The night before I left. I asked him if we could play. He cuffed my wrists and ankles to a light pole outside. It went well for the most part. He used a 2 inch wide paint stick in addition to a flogger and slapper. The scene ended with him using the paint stick, attempting to use a rhythmic tempo in beat to the music for my behalf. I was nearing that blissful head space in no time and kept asking him to go a little harder. The scene ended with my ass bleeding (completely unintentional and freaked us both out a little bit). After going to the infirmary for antibiotic ointment and a large gauze bandage, the night ended.
The next day we talked. He told me that he had gained absolutely no enjoyment from our play session because he tried to “alter” his “play style” to meet my needs. I again reiterated what I felt was safe and what was not. He told me that he had no intention on changing. He stated that he thought I just enjoyed the kinks, that I wasn’t really submissive. That I wasn’t a masochist and that he liked things “rough”. I disagreed with all of that, but it was a moot point. We agreed that our desires within the lifestyle were not compatible. Though it was mutual. I was the first to say “There is nothing left. It’s over”.
I think he is sad too. We’ve met a few times since for dinner and remain good friends. My husband sees him frequently and tells me that he thinks Sir misses me. I feel sad that it’s over, but yes, seeing it all spelled out…..I know I made the right decision in ending things. I just truly hope that he takes the things I have told him, and learns. Regardless whether you are sub, bottom, masochist…..it doesn’t matter. It needs to be mutual and both parties need to benefit from the play. Otherwise, there is no reason to continue. And some things aren’t safe no matter who you are.
In a previous post I talked about trust issues I had. I trusted him…..but a few wrong moves with a flogger broke that trust. I began to get guarded when we would play. I would “bitch and complain” as he would say, when he wanted to bind me with chain. He thought I hated to be bound. In reality I loved it. What I hated was the fact that I could no longer move, therefore I couldn’t protect delicate areas from stray flogger strikes. You see, he is a sadist. He rarely provided me with the luxury of a warm up. Just fast, super hard strikes. Once, while I was bent over a bench, one of those super hard strikes that should only be meant for a well cushioned ass, hit me right across the pussy. I cried. He didn’t seem to understand and tried to analyze how it could have happened. I wanted to scream, “How could it not happen!?! My legs are spread and I’m bent over!”.
This wasn’t the only time. He loves to use floggers with longer flails. While nice, the aim wasn’t very accurate. At least, not the way he used them. Many times, I’ve ended up with welts and marks that took weeks to fade. Not just on my back and ass, but also on the sides of my breasts and belly. Because the flails were so long, they would wrap around because he didn’t take that into account when he was striking me. And the belly should never be hit with the force with which he used. Really, it should never be hit at all. That is where all the vital organs are. I’ve also had a few stray strikes to the face with the flogger. Ones that were meant for the back, but again, long flails and poor aim are not a good combination.
Sir had this piece of wood. It was about 5 feet long, an inch wide, and about a half an inch thick. It was this long splintered fragment from an old skid that he picked up from work. All along its length, there were tiny splinters from the rough wood. Once, he cracked me with it quite unexpectedly. I became quite upset and told him not to ever use that on me again. That was just another time I was “bitching and complaining”. I explained to him that it wasn’t safe. It was dirty and I didn’t want to pick out a million splinters from my backside. I didn’t want the potential for infection. Again, he didn’t understand and just said, “you won’t get splinters”. After having been swatted with it a few more times, I finally had to call “red” and tell him that particular “toy” was a “hard limit”. I’m still disbelieving and a little angry that I actually had to tell him it was a hard limit, even after explaining why this “toy” was not safe in my eyes.
Sir had some problems with impotence. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. While that wasn’t a real problem for me, the fact that he liked to compensate with his fingers was. He has very rough, calloused fingers from his line of work. I am extremely sensitive in the nether regions. He also liked using a rough touch. I had problems becoming aroused when he touched my pussy. It was too rough. It hurt in a not good way. He would frequently insist on me squirting. Something I have never done in my life, and to the best of my knowledge, I’m not capable of. He would very roughly “massage” my g spot. On my end, it felt like somebody jabbing me very hard. All while he kept repeating, “Now squirt. Do it now”. It usually ended with me near tears and not wanting to play anymore. Even after explaining to him how it felt to me, and that it hurt me, and that I would not “squirt”, he downplayed my feelings by telling me “You just need to let go”. He heard me, but he didn’t listen to me.
He wanted me to hit subspace with him. I did maybe once or twice during scenes with him. He would try to repeat it but was always unsuccessful when he was trying. I’d explain what was done differently the 1 or 2 times I did make it to subspace: slow, steady, and rhythmic. Gradual increase in intensity. He ignored this as well. Like I said before, no warm up. Just “CRACK”. Very hard, random strikes out of the blue. I can’t achieve subspace like that. When I’m close, it brings me right out of it.
The last time we played together was at camp. The night before I left. I asked him if we could play. He cuffed my wrists and ankles to a light pole outside. It went well for the most part. He used a 2 inch wide paint stick in addition to a flogger and slapper. The scene ended with him using the paint stick, attempting to use a rhythmic tempo in beat to the music for my behalf. I was nearing that blissful head space in no time and kept asking him to go a little harder. The scene ended with my ass bleeding (completely unintentional and freaked us both out a little bit). After going to the infirmary for antibiotic ointment and a large gauze bandage, the night ended.
The next day we talked. He told me that he had gained absolutely no enjoyment from our play session because he tried to “alter” his “play style” to meet my needs. I again reiterated what I felt was safe and what was not. He told me that he had no intention on changing. He stated that he thought I just enjoyed the kinks, that I wasn’t really submissive. That I wasn’t a masochist and that he liked things “rough”. I disagreed with all of that, but it was a moot point. We agreed that our desires within the lifestyle were not compatible. Though it was mutual. I was the first to say “There is nothing left. It’s over”.
I think he is sad too. We’ve met a few times since for dinner and remain good friends. My husband sees him frequently and tells me that he thinks Sir misses me. I feel sad that it’s over, but yes, seeing it all spelled out…..I know I made the right decision in ending things. I just truly hope that he takes the things I have told him, and learns. Regardless whether you are sub, bottom, masochist…..it doesn’t matter. It needs to be mutual and both parties need to benefit from the play. Otherwise, there is no reason to continue. And some things aren’t safe no matter who you are.
July 4, 2011
It's Over
Sir and I attended another BDSM camp event together. It was just the two of us this time. This event is known for being more on the wild side and very sexual.
I'm not going to go into the details, but things came to a head. Sir and I hadn't been meshing very well for quite some time. Our interests and desires differ somewhat and I had unresolved trust issues. He had done some things in the past that I felt were unsafe, and he just didn't "get it" when I tried to explain this to him. He understood what he was saying, but had no desire to change.
Bottom line is that I went home a day early and we agreed that there was nothing left to be done. It was over between us. We are all still good friends, and I care about him, but it's just not worth it. I do feel sad despite this. We had been together for a year and a half. But I know it's for the best.
I'm not going to go into the details, but things came to a head. Sir and I hadn't been meshing very well for quite some time. Our interests and desires differ somewhat and I had unresolved trust issues. He had done some things in the past that I felt were unsafe, and he just didn't "get it" when I tried to explain this to him. He understood what he was saying, but had no desire to change.
Bottom line is that I went home a day early and we agreed that there was nothing left to be done. It was over between us. We are all still good friends, and I care about him, but it's just not worth it. I do feel sad despite this. We had been together for a year and a half. But I know it's for the best.
June 9, 2011
Camp
My husband and I are home from our weekend long, first BDSM event together. We had an absolutely fabulous time! I am so happy to report that despite his reservations, he kept an open mind....... and actually enjoyed himself!!
As we were driving into the campground I was getting very nervous. I looked at my husband and asked him, "Please just keep an open mind honey". Upon arrival we registered, and picked our chores. We picked the first chore available to get our 2 hours of duty out of the way with so we could do whatever we wanted the rest of the weekend. We promptly headed down to our cabin to get settled in.
There were only 4 other couples in the cabin with us. As we were unpacking, he was facing toward me, his back to the door. I watched quietly as one of our cabin mates slowly stripped all of her clothes off before placing her collar around her neck. I was quietly laughing to myself as I imagined my husband's reaction when he turned around. I have to admit, when he turned around at last, he masked his reaction quite well! As conservative as he is, you'd have never guessed that this was his first real exposure to being around people that were so uninhibited. We pulled 3 twin size beds together to make one large one, and after having gotten the bed made, we reported for chore duty.
We finally met up with my Sir in time for dinner. He had arrived shortly after us, and managed to get a chore slot at the same time so we were all free for the entire weekend. There were lots of firsts for not just my husband, but for me as well.
We watched a fire show with lots of fire spinning and fire breathing. Hubby thoroughly enjoyed this considering he loves fire. There was a "sampler circuit" where they had many different areas set up that was manned by a top who was experienced in that particular area. You could go around and watch, talk to the tops and learn, or experience something that you had always wanted to try.
I couldn't believe it, but Hubby was absolutely fascinated by the signal whip. The same man was demonstrating as from last years camp, and with some prodding from Hubby and Sir, I took my turn. It was a cold night so I was fully dressed, but wanted so badly to remove my shirt. I've gained a few pounds and was just feeling too self conscious to though. My husband had the biggest smile on his face as he watched first my back, then my breasts get whipped with the 6 foot single tail whip. Afterwards, I lifted my shirt to proudly show him the marks left on my breasts. We mostly walked around and watched, allowing my husband to absorb everything. He also really enjoyed the fire play which was not a surprise to me. I have to say, he really took it all in and kept an open mind. He appeared relaxed and comfortable being there. I was amazed and ecstatic over this.
After all the festivities, it was time for bed. We were exhausted. Much to my surprise, the cabin was dark and all of our cabin mates were already asleep. We crawled into bed as quietly as we could, with me in the middle. Now here is where things got interesting.
I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking. All I know is that I had no motive here, really I was just messing around. My back was to Sir, and Hubby and I were facing each other. I accidentally brushed my hand against Hubby's cock, and then I couldn't resist. I started playing around a bit, stroking and caressing him just to see what kind of reaction I would get. I got the obvious reaction, he was hard within seconds. What I didn't get was the reaction I thought I would.....He didn't stop me.
Now I didn't even realize I was doing this, but at some point I must have started moving my hips. Sir had no idea at that time that I was messing around with Hubby, but he felt my hip movement and took that as his cue. Before I even knew what was happening, Sir mounted me from behind and pushed my head down into my husbands lap. I resisted initially because I was very worried about Hubby's reaction and if he would be ok with this. But Sir persisted. In one quick thrust he was inside of me, and with his hand, he held my head down until I took my husbands cock in my mouth. I was surprised that he was still hard. I guess I thought he would have been turned off, seeing me being fucked by another man.
I was still sucking him when Sir came inside of me, then got out of bed to go outside to smoke a cigarette. Hubby suddenly made me stop. I was working so hard to get him to cum and nothing! I persisted, but he was very forceful when he told me once again to stop. I relented, disappointed. At least until he kissed me, told me he loved me, and then mounted me. He was still fucking me when Sir returned. Afterwards, I lay there completely satiated and somewhat in shock. This was my first threesome. Hubby's first as well. I think it was also Sir's first, though he had in the past watched when he chose to share his former sub with others.
It was a late night, and unfortunately for us, our cabin mates were all early risers. In the morning when Hubby got a shower, he walked stark naked from bed, to the showers, and back again. I know I had the stupidest look on my face as I watched him. All I could think was "Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?". You see, prior to camp, he had made it very clear that he would not have sex with me due to the lack of privacy, nor would he be getting naked in front of others.
After breakfast, Sir and I went to a class on M/s relationships while Hubby went back to the cabin to take a nap. We had some nice alone time where we were able to reflect on the activities from the night before. Later, we all attended a class on single tail whips. Again, Hubby was very interested. So much so, that he was talking about buying his own to practice with. Truly, he is very much looking forward to the day when he can whip me. LOL, if someone would have bet me that this could happen, I'd have SO lost!
Later that evening, Sir took a walk so Hubby and I could have some alone time. We went for a nice long walk and talked about everything. How he was feeling, how I was feeling, on the events from the night before, the sampler circuit, the classes, the threesome.....everything. He was smiling a lot, he was relaxed, and he admitted that he was actually enjoying himself. We talked about the community in general, and how, more than anything, I wanted him to be able to see how polite, respectful, open minded, and welcoming everyone is. I thanked him for coming to camp (he did it for me, not because he wanted to). I let him know how appreciative I was that he was willing to try for me. I also assured him that no matter what decision he made after this, whether or not the lifestyle was for him, and no matter what capacity he chose to participate, or not participate at all, that I was ok with that, and that I loved him no matter what.
Later that night, we decided to pay a visit to the Carter Johnson Leather Library, to see "the most deviant pornographic perversions known to mankind". Hubby is a huge history buff, so he was interested in seeing a different sort of history. Sir really isn't a book person, but he enjoyed browsing through some stuff. I'm not really a history buff, but I spent the most time there. Browsing books and reading viewpoints from psychologists and others from decades past was quite fascinating. The oldest book there was from 1701. Amazing! Mama Vi is a wealth of knowledge, and I had such wonderful time getting to spend time talking with her. She is truly a generous woman. Generous with her time, her devotion, and her heart. After speaking and seeing my interest in the psychological aspects of BDSM, within minutes she located and gave me a book from her library. I felt so honored! I was there for about an hour or so, and hadn't even noticed that both Hubby and Sir left. Sometime later, Hubby came back to check in on me. I thanked Mama Vi, and we left, hand in hand.
He was all smiles. I was all smiles. Really, we were quite goofy. We both shared that feeling again, just like when we first started dating. It was cold outside, about 50 degrees. It was also getting a bit late. As we were walking, we went past the pool. Jokingly, I said "Let's go skinny dipping!". Without hesitation he said ok! I looked at him dumbfounded and asked if he was serious. He replied with an enthusiastic "sure, why not". I couldn't believe it. This from the man who 1) emphatically said he would not be getting naked at camp and 2) can't swim and doesn't really like the water. Really, when I suggested it, I was only joking. It was cold out. It was dark. It was getting late. And I knew the water would be freezing. But hey, I was grabbing this spontaneous moment while I could. NO way was I going to back out. So we stripped down and I went in first praying he would follow. We were only in about 3-4 feet of water and it was beyond COLD! We were giggling like a bunch of children and having a great time anyway. We didn't last more than 10 minutes or so and out we went and dried off, still giggling away LOL.
Afterwards we met back up with Sir and headed up for a second night in the dungeon. We walked around and watched the many different scenes, but did not participate. I was really hoping that Hubby would be up for something small. I did throw out a couple of hints about a nearby spanking bench that was not being currently used in hopes that Hubby or Sir would command me to get on, but neither of them bated. I didn't want to pressure Hubby, and Sir was waiting for him to take the lead, being cautious not to go past his comfort zone. In all honesty, we were all too exhausted. It was almost midnight, and none of us had slept more than about 2-3 hours the night before.So we headed back to the cabin where we all slept soundly for the next 7-8 hours.
The next day was very relaxed. Most of our cabin mates packed up early and left. We took our time, deciding not to leave until after lunch. We took time to reflect, to talk, and to have a bit of fun. Sir and Hubby were goofing around with me, and darn if they didn't make plans in advance! Hubby held me down while Sir pulled down my skirt and painted the word "Bad" on my ass with cheese whiz. (I absolutely HATE cheese, can't even stand the smell of it) . So they got a good laugh out of my expense, and our remaining cabin mate got a good chuckle along with a picture of my ass with the cheese on it LOL. All in all, we had a relaxed good time.
On the way home, Hubby and I spent time talking about everything. He was just as surprised as me that he enjoyed the weekend. The lines of communication were open more than they ever were before. We both feel much closer and reconnected to each other. And we both agreed that our marriage was much stronger after camp.
As we were driving into the campground I was getting very nervous. I looked at my husband and asked him, "Please just keep an open mind honey". Upon arrival we registered, and picked our chores. We picked the first chore available to get our 2 hours of duty out of the way with so we could do whatever we wanted the rest of the weekend. We promptly headed down to our cabin to get settled in.
There were only 4 other couples in the cabin with us. As we were unpacking, he was facing toward me, his back to the door. I watched quietly as one of our cabin mates slowly stripped all of her clothes off before placing her collar around her neck. I was quietly laughing to myself as I imagined my husband's reaction when he turned around. I have to admit, when he turned around at last, he masked his reaction quite well! As conservative as he is, you'd have never guessed that this was his first real exposure to being around people that were so uninhibited. We pulled 3 twin size beds together to make one large one, and after having gotten the bed made, we reported for chore duty.
We finally met up with my Sir in time for dinner. He had arrived shortly after us, and managed to get a chore slot at the same time so we were all free for the entire weekend. There were lots of firsts for not just my husband, but for me as well.
We watched a fire show with lots of fire spinning and fire breathing. Hubby thoroughly enjoyed this considering he loves fire. There was a "sampler circuit" where they had many different areas set up that was manned by a top who was experienced in that particular area. You could go around and watch, talk to the tops and learn, or experience something that you had always wanted to try.
I couldn't believe it, but Hubby was absolutely fascinated by the signal whip. The same man was demonstrating as from last years camp, and with some prodding from Hubby and Sir, I took my turn. It was a cold night so I was fully dressed, but wanted so badly to remove my shirt. I've gained a few pounds and was just feeling too self conscious to though. My husband had the biggest smile on his face as he watched first my back, then my breasts get whipped with the 6 foot single tail whip. Afterwards, I lifted my shirt to proudly show him the marks left on my breasts. We mostly walked around and watched, allowing my husband to absorb everything. He also really enjoyed the fire play which was not a surprise to me. I have to say, he really took it all in and kept an open mind. He appeared relaxed and comfortable being there. I was amazed and ecstatic over this.
After all the festivities, it was time for bed. We were exhausted. Much to my surprise, the cabin was dark and all of our cabin mates were already asleep. We crawled into bed as quietly as we could, with me in the middle. Now here is where things got interesting.
I'm not sure exactly what I was thinking. All I know is that I had no motive here, really I was just messing around. My back was to Sir, and Hubby and I were facing each other. I accidentally brushed my hand against Hubby's cock, and then I couldn't resist. I started playing around a bit, stroking and caressing him just to see what kind of reaction I would get. I got the obvious reaction, he was hard within seconds. What I didn't get was the reaction I thought I would.....He didn't stop me.
Now I didn't even realize I was doing this, but at some point I must have started moving my hips. Sir had no idea at that time that I was messing around with Hubby, but he felt my hip movement and took that as his cue. Before I even knew what was happening, Sir mounted me from behind and pushed my head down into my husbands lap. I resisted initially because I was very worried about Hubby's reaction and if he would be ok with this. But Sir persisted. In one quick thrust he was inside of me, and with his hand, he held my head down until I took my husbands cock in my mouth. I was surprised that he was still hard. I guess I thought he would have been turned off, seeing me being fucked by another man.
I was still sucking him when Sir came inside of me, then got out of bed to go outside to smoke a cigarette. Hubby suddenly made me stop. I was working so hard to get him to cum and nothing! I persisted, but he was very forceful when he told me once again to stop. I relented, disappointed. At least until he kissed me, told me he loved me, and then mounted me. He was still fucking me when Sir returned. Afterwards, I lay there completely satiated and somewhat in shock. This was my first threesome. Hubby's first as well. I think it was also Sir's first, though he had in the past watched when he chose to share his former sub with others.
It was a late night, and unfortunately for us, our cabin mates were all early risers. In the morning when Hubby got a shower, he walked stark naked from bed, to the showers, and back again. I know I had the stupidest look on my face as I watched him. All I could think was "Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?". You see, prior to camp, he had made it very clear that he would not have sex with me due to the lack of privacy, nor would he be getting naked in front of others.
After breakfast, Sir and I went to a class on M/s relationships while Hubby went back to the cabin to take a nap. We had some nice alone time where we were able to reflect on the activities from the night before. Later, we all attended a class on single tail whips. Again, Hubby was very interested. So much so, that he was talking about buying his own to practice with. Truly, he is very much looking forward to the day when he can whip me. LOL, if someone would have bet me that this could happen, I'd have SO lost!
Later that evening, Sir took a walk so Hubby and I could have some alone time. We went for a nice long walk and talked about everything. How he was feeling, how I was feeling, on the events from the night before, the sampler circuit, the classes, the threesome.....everything. He was smiling a lot, he was relaxed, and he admitted that he was actually enjoying himself. We talked about the community in general, and how, more than anything, I wanted him to be able to see how polite, respectful, open minded, and welcoming everyone is. I thanked him for coming to camp (he did it for me, not because he wanted to). I let him know how appreciative I was that he was willing to try for me. I also assured him that no matter what decision he made after this, whether or not the lifestyle was for him, and no matter what capacity he chose to participate, or not participate at all, that I was ok with that, and that I loved him no matter what.
Later that night, we decided to pay a visit to the Carter Johnson Leather Library, to see "the most deviant pornographic perversions known to mankind". Hubby is a huge history buff, so he was interested in seeing a different sort of history. Sir really isn't a book person, but he enjoyed browsing through some stuff. I'm not really a history buff, but I spent the most time there. Browsing books and reading viewpoints from psychologists and others from decades past was quite fascinating. The oldest book there was from 1701. Amazing! Mama Vi is a wealth of knowledge, and I had such wonderful time getting to spend time talking with her. She is truly a generous woman. Generous with her time, her devotion, and her heart. After speaking and seeing my interest in the psychological aspects of BDSM, within minutes she located and gave me a book from her library. I felt so honored! I was there for about an hour or so, and hadn't even noticed that both Hubby and Sir left. Sometime later, Hubby came back to check in on me. I thanked Mama Vi, and we left, hand in hand.
He was all smiles. I was all smiles. Really, we were quite goofy. We both shared that feeling again, just like when we first started dating. It was cold outside, about 50 degrees. It was also getting a bit late. As we were walking, we went past the pool. Jokingly, I said "Let's go skinny dipping!". Without hesitation he said ok! I looked at him dumbfounded and asked if he was serious. He replied with an enthusiastic "sure, why not". I couldn't believe it. This from the man who 1) emphatically said he would not be getting naked at camp and 2) can't swim and doesn't really like the water. Really, when I suggested it, I was only joking. It was cold out. It was dark. It was getting late. And I knew the water would be freezing. But hey, I was grabbing this spontaneous moment while I could. NO way was I going to back out. So we stripped down and I went in first praying he would follow. We were only in about 3-4 feet of water and it was beyond COLD! We were giggling like a bunch of children and having a great time anyway. We didn't last more than 10 minutes or so and out we went and dried off, still giggling away LOL.
Afterwards we met back up with Sir and headed up for a second night in the dungeon. We walked around and watched the many different scenes, but did not participate. I was really hoping that Hubby would be up for something small. I did throw out a couple of hints about a nearby spanking bench that was not being currently used in hopes that Hubby or Sir would command me to get on, but neither of them bated. I didn't want to pressure Hubby, and Sir was waiting for him to take the lead, being cautious not to go past his comfort zone. In all honesty, we were all too exhausted. It was almost midnight, and none of us had slept more than about 2-3 hours the night before.So we headed back to the cabin where we all slept soundly for the next 7-8 hours.
The next day was very relaxed. Most of our cabin mates packed up early and left. We took our time, deciding not to leave until after lunch. We took time to reflect, to talk, and to have a bit of fun. Sir and Hubby were goofing around with me, and darn if they didn't make plans in advance! Hubby held me down while Sir pulled down my skirt and painted the word "Bad" on my ass with cheese whiz. (I absolutely HATE cheese, can't even stand the smell of it) . So they got a good laugh out of my expense, and our remaining cabin mate got a good chuckle along with a picture of my ass with the cheese on it LOL. All in all, we had a relaxed good time.
On the way home, Hubby and I spent time talking about everything. He was just as surprised as me that he enjoyed the weekend. The lines of communication were open more than they ever were before. We both feel much closer and reconnected to each other. And we both agreed that our marriage was much stronger after camp.
April 27, 2011
His First Time
My husband, my Sir, and myself will be attending a major BDSM event together in the very near future. It is a full 3 day event held at a campground and consists of approximately 300 kinksters, Dominants, submissives, slaves, Masters, swingers, and everything in between. This is the first BDSM event my husband will attend. It will also likely be the last. He does not appear to be looking forward to it. I think he is nervous about what he will see and what will happen. He is not looking forward to sleeping in a cabin with about 30 other people. He is not looking forward to the lack of privacy (communal bathrooms, showers, etc.). I truly hope he will be able to keep an open mind, let his inhibitions go, relax, and even enjoy himself.
The cabins all have single twin beds. Usually couples push two beds together in order to sleep together. The plan is to push three beds together, with me sleeping in between Hubby and Sir. I feel bad for them both as I tend to flail about quite a bit in my sleep LOL. One of these days, my flailing is going to wind up in my having to sleep bound in rope, I'm quite sure.
Anyway, the time is coming close and I need to have a serious talk with Hubby about all of this. Him and Sir talk quite a bit and I KNOW that they are already plotting and planning. And while Hubby appears to be ok with my relationship with Sir, he has not really witnessed any hardcore playing, or even much intimacy beyond a hug and kiss. He has witnessed some light play sessions that really weren't much more than us goofing around. I need to know what the boundaries are going to be, or should be. I need to know what he is ok with and what he is not. I need to know if he is going to be ok if Sir wakes up at 5 am and awakens me by fucking me as he so loves to do. I need to know if he is going to be ok with seeing Sir beat my ass until I'm near tears.
I so look forward to camp. I look forward to 3 full days of complete freedom. Freedom to walk around naked all day, freedom to fuck in public, freedom to be beat without any worry of judgment from others. However, I do not want to risk damaging my relationship with Hubby by him witnessing first hand more than he is emotionally prepared to see. Knowing about and talking about these things are completely different than seeing it with your own eyes. My fear? Is that he will not know what he will be ok with, and what will upset him until after the fact. And it could possibly be too late by then.
The cabins all have single twin beds. Usually couples push two beds together in order to sleep together. The plan is to push three beds together, with me sleeping in between Hubby and Sir. I feel bad for them both as I tend to flail about quite a bit in my sleep LOL. One of these days, my flailing is going to wind up in my having to sleep bound in rope, I'm quite sure.
Anyway, the time is coming close and I need to have a serious talk with Hubby about all of this. Him and Sir talk quite a bit and I KNOW that they are already plotting and planning. And while Hubby appears to be ok with my relationship with Sir, he has not really witnessed any hardcore playing, or even much intimacy beyond a hug and kiss. He has witnessed some light play sessions that really weren't much more than us goofing around. I need to know what the boundaries are going to be, or should be. I need to know what he is ok with and what he is not. I need to know if he is going to be ok if Sir wakes up at 5 am and awakens me by fucking me as he so loves to do. I need to know if he is going to be ok with seeing Sir beat my ass until I'm near tears.
I so look forward to camp. I look forward to 3 full days of complete freedom. Freedom to walk around naked all day, freedom to fuck in public, freedom to be beat without any worry of judgment from others. However, I do not want to risk damaging my relationship with Hubby by him witnessing first hand more than he is emotionally prepared to see. Knowing about and talking about these things are completely different than seeing it with your own eyes. My fear? Is that he will not know what he will be ok with, and what will upset him until after the fact. And it could possibly be too late by then.
April 5, 2011
A Love/Hate Relationship
That is what I have with canes.
After breaking several canes into tiny little bits (more specifically, my Sir breaking said canes over my ass), and repeated whining about how much I hate canes, I was instructed to purchase a cane that I "could live with" and present it to Him.
I procrastinated. For like, several months LOL. I'm not fond of stingy type sensations. I much prefer something thuddy. Like slappers or floggers. But on the flip side, I tremble at the thought of being caned. The fear, the anticipation.... That is what I love. I HATE being caned. It hurts!! Like, ALOT! But yet, somewhere, in some small part of my brain, I anxiously look forward to being caned. I don't quite understand it, but I'm learning to accept it. Hence, the love/hate relationship.
Unbeknownst to me, just a few hours prior to our planned play date, my husband had caught me smoking. And called Sir asking him to punish me.
The evening started out quite fun. A bit of playful wrestling and struggle play, which is always fun. I presented the canes and next thing I knew, I was stripped and bent over a table. I was not secured, but was instructed to keep my elbows on the table. Each whack of the cane made me reflexively move into an upright position. Which in turn brought on another whack for not keeping my elbows on the table as I had been told to do. A few times, I mistakenly tried to protect my ass with my hands. My hand was struck with the cane simply because it was in the way. I was trembling, begging him to stop, telling him I'll be a good girl. Some little part of my brain was screaming "more" even while I was whimpering and begging for mercy.
I was then instructed to light a cigarette and smoke it. I refused which resulted in some more caning. I was near tears as I was telling him I only had one cigarette left, to just take it and that I didn't want it. The caning paused as I heard him rustling around in my purse. I was told to stand and look at him, and when I did, there he was with my last cigarette dangling from his lips. He handed me my lighter and told me to light it for him then get on my knees.
I did so without hesitation. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette. He pulled the lighter from my fingers and pocketed it. He said I wouldn't be needing it anymore. For five minutes, I kneeled on the cold hard floor, looking up at him as he smoked my last cigarette. Afterwards, he pulled me into bed with him and just held me. We laid there for a long time just enjoying the closeness of each other. It was a wonderful night.
Today, my ass and upper thighs are a multitude of shades of blues and deep purples. The soreness is beginning to fade and I'm already looking forward to the next play session. Although, I made sure to sneak the canes away when he wasn't paying attention and hide them in my car =)
After breaking several canes into tiny little bits (more specifically, my Sir breaking said canes over my ass), and repeated whining about how much I hate canes, I was instructed to purchase a cane that I "could live with" and present it to Him.
I procrastinated. For like, several months LOL. I'm not fond of stingy type sensations. I much prefer something thuddy. Like slappers or floggers. But on the flip side, I tremble at the thought of being caned. The fear, the anticipation.... That is what I love. I HATE being caned. It hurts!! Like, ALOT! But yet, somewhere, in some small part of my brain, I anxiously look forward to being caned. I don't quite understand it, but I'm learning to accept it. Hence, the love/hate relationship.
Unbeknownst to me, just a few hours prior to our planned play date, my husband had caught me smoking. And called Sir asking him to punish me.
The evening started out quite fun. A bit of playful wrestling and struggle play, which is always fun. I presented the canes and next thing I knew, I was stripped and bent over a table. I was not secured, but was instructed to keep my elbows on the table. Each whack of the cane made me reflexively move into an upright position. Which in turn brought on another whack for not keeping my elbows on the table as I had been told to do. A few times, I mistakenly tried to protect my ass with my hands. My hand was struck with the cane simply because it was in the way. I was trembling, begging him to stop, telling him I'll be a good girl. Some little part of my brain was screaming "more" even while I was whimpering and begging for mercy.
I was then instructed to light a cigarette and smoke it. I refused which resulted in some more caning. I was near tears as I was telling him I only had one cigarette left, to just take it and that I didn't want it. The caning paused as I heard him rustling around in my purse. I was told to stand and look at him, and when I did, there he was with my last cigarette dangling from his lips. He handed me my lighter and told me to light it for him then get on my knees.
I did so without hesitation. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette. He pulled the lighter from my fingers and pocketed it. He said I wouldn't be needing it anymore. For five minutes, I kneeled on the cold hard floor, looking up at him as he smoked my last cigarette. Afterwards, he pulled me into bed with him and just held me. We laid there for a long time just enjoying the closeness of each other. It was a wonderful night.
Today, my ass and upper thighs are a multitude of shades of blues and deep purples. The soreness is beginning to fade and I'm already looking forward to the next play session. Although, I made sure to sneak the canes away when he wasn't paying attention and hide them in my car =)
April 2, 2011
Nyotaimori
My kinky friends are often organizing fun events for us kinksters to attend and participate in together. The latest event was the Nyotaimori Sushi Night. I was invited to be a nude sushi model.
First off, I was extremely flattered. I'd have never thought in a million years anyone would want me for this sort of thing. Second, I was both excited and terrified at the prospect of it. I am very shy, and I have naked issues. After 9 years, I've grown comfortable with my husband seeing me naked. But even after a year, I'm still uncomfortable at times with Sir seeing me completely nude. I'm self conscious. Probably more so than the average woman. That is precisely why I agreed to be a model. I wanted to force myself to become more comfortable with my body. What better way than to allow people to eat off of me? I also knew that a fun opportunity like this would probably not present itself again, and dammit I was doing it despite having to get out of my comfort zone!
I bathed, shaved, waxed, primped, and pampered myself. Then I showered again just before heading out the door. There were 4 of us models, three female and one male. It was determined that I was going to be the "veggie girl" since my Sir is a vegetarian. And since I was the "veggie girl", it was determined that I would go first. I then took a cold shower to lower my body temperature. I came out wrapped in a towel to cover up, which was totally silly, I know. There were about 8 other people in the room, all friends, and I had to be the first to be naked among them. I had the hardest time dropping that towel.
But I did it and crawled up onto the table, belly down as I was instructed. I was rubbed down with vodka to sanitize my skin, then decorated with avocado, squash, and cucumber. The host was taking lots of pictures during the whole process. I was getting lots of comments about how great the design looked, and I quickly found out the drawback to being a model. You couldn't see anything! I was up on a table, on my belly, with my head turned to the side. My only view was of people's mid-sections as they walked past!
The other 3 models were quickly showered, sanitized, and decorated shortly after me. We were all decorated in a theme, with the guests getting to guess who we were supposed to be. I was paired with a lovely girl I hadn't met before, and I got to hold a wicked cool sword. We were laying head to head, with my sword resting on top of her hair. My veggies were decorated down my back in the design of a snake (according to the pictures it turned out really really cool!) The tail of the snake went down one butt cheek, and down my thigh all the way to my calf. I was Athena and she was Aphrodite. I had a little "bowl" of Wasabi sauce on my left butt cheek. I only know this because after about an hour into the event, I was feeling this tingly kind of burning sensation and had to ask what it was.
It was quite the experience having people eat off of me. I only knew about half of the people there, which definitely added to the experience. I think I was more shy with the people I knew! Everybody stopped to "ooh" and "aah" at the design on my back. It was really hard to hold perfectly still. The people that knew me talked to me and made jokes trying to get me to laugh which in turn made me jiggle LOL. Jiggling was not good for fear of the wasabi sauce spilling over my body! Sir teased and tormented me a bit, fed me some grapes while I lay there, and just generally made me feel good simply because he was there.
It was hard. I was very cramped and sore with various body parts that fell asleep after laying there for over 2 hours without being able to move a muscle. That said, it was a wonderful experience and one that I'm so grateful and touched that I was thought of to be invited to do this. Despite my insecurities, I'm glad I did it. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be, and all the compliments I received were a nice boost to the ego.
First off, I was extremely flattered. I'd have never thought in a million years anyone would want me for this sort of thing. Second, I was both excited and terrified at the prospect of it. I am very shy, and I have naked issues. After 9 years, I've grown comfortable with my husband seeing me naked. But even after a year, I'm still uncomfortable at times with Sir seeing me completely nude. I'm self conscious. Probably more so than the average woman. That is precisely why I agreed to be a model. I wanted to force myself to become more comfortable with my body. What better way than to allow people to eat off of me? I also knew that a fun opportunity like this would probably not present itself again, and dammit I was doing it despite having to get out of my comfort zone!
I bathed, shaved, waxed, primped, and pampered myself. Then I showered again just before heading out the door. There were 4 of us models, three female and one male. It was determined that I was going to be the "veggie girl" since my Sir is a vegetarian. And since I was the "veggie girl", it was determined that I would go first. I then took a cold shower to lower my body temperature. I came out wrapped in a towel to cover up, which was totally silly, I know. There were about 8 other people in the room, all friends, and I had to be the first to be naked among them. I had the hardest time dropping that towel.
But I did it and crawled up onto the table, belly down as I was instructed. I was rubbed down with vodka to sanitize my skin, then decorated with avocado, squash, and cucumber. The host was taking lots of pictures during the whole process. I was getting lots of comments about how great the design looked, and I quickly found out the drawback to being a model. You couldn't see anything! I was up on a table, on my belly, with my head turned to the side. My only view was of people's mid-sections as they walked past!
The other 3 models were quickly showered, sanitized, and decorated shortly after me. We were all decorated in a theme, with the guests getting to guess who we were supposed to be. I was paired with a lovely girl I hadn't met before, and I got to hold a wicked cool sword. We were laying head to head, with my sword resting on top of her hair. My veggies were decorated down my back in the design of a snake (according to the pictures it turned out really really cool!) The tail of the snake went down one butt cheek, and down my thigh all the way to my calf. I was Athena and she was Aphrodite. I had a little "bowl" of Wasabi sauce on my left butt cheek. I only know this because after about an hour into the event, I was feeling this tingly kind of burning sensation and had to ask what it was.
It was quite the experience having people eat off of me. I only knew about half of the people there, which definitely added to the experience. I think I was more shy with the people I knew! Everybody stopped to "ooh" and "aah" at the design on my back. It was really hard to hold perfectly still. The people that knew me talked to me and made jokes trying to get me to laugh which in turn made me jiggle LOL. Jiggling was not good for fear of the wasabi sauce spilling over my body! Sir teased and tormented me a bit, fed me some grapes while I lay there, and just generally made me feel good simply because he was there.
It was hard. I was very cramped and sore with various body parts that fell asleep after laying there for over 2 hours without being able to move a muscle. That said, it was a wonderful experience and one that I'm so grateful and touched that I was thought of to be invited to do this. Despite my insecurities, I'm glad I did it. It wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be, and all the compliments I received were a nice boost to the ego.
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